


AnOtHEr One

by G0lden_trash



Series: AnOtHer One chatfic universe [1]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: ADASHATT, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anxiety, Coffee Shops, Drama, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Hunay, Kinda, Kinda Crack, M/M, More Ships to come, Mutual Pining, Night Terrors, PEOPLE GET HIGH UPSI, Romellura, There will be underage drinking, Weed, chat fic, chatfic, did i say this was a chat fic, everyone is a mess, everyone is stupid, if you squint you can see me hinting at shatt, klance, lots of pining
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-10
Updated: 2018-11-02
Packaged: 2019-05-20 12:29:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 14,954
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14894672
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/G0lden_trash/pseuds/G0lden_trash
Summary: a very self-indulged chatfic with klance, squad, and all the good stuff, buckle up bitches.shenanigans ensue.





	1. T Is For Trauma

**Author's Note:**

> AHhhhhhh this is my first fanfiction ever plz be nice to me
> 
> Comments and kudos are very much appreciated!!!!

 

**Shirt → Fuckos**

 

**8.33 am**

 

 **Shirt:** Keith

 

 **Shirt:** you little fuck

 

 **Shirt:** did you leave the fucking milk on the counter

 

 **Shirt:** Keith you little bitch boy I will not hesitate

 

 **Axe** : i

 

 **Shirt:** acxa i swear

 

 **Knife:** swear bitch

 

 **Knife:** i'm lactose intolerant you fucking ass

 

 **Shirt:** you bitch you ate ice cream the other night while binging Allura's and lance's videos

 

 **Axe:** EXPOSED

 

 **Knife:** i

 

 **Shirt:** im fucking coming for you

  


**Gremlin → Ginger beanstring**

**8.45**

 

 **Gremlin:** TAKE A LOOK AT THIS SHIT

 

**Gremlin sent a video [acxa somersaulting out the window on 2. Floor, flipping shiro off in the process]**

 

 **Ginger beanstring** : ACXA VFCNDMXDCXSBGF

 

 **Ginger beanstring:** GOALS

 

 **Gremlin:** SHE FUCKING DID THAT

 

 **Ginger beanstring:** SHE FUCKING DID THAT

 

 **Gremlin:** I WAS JUST SITTING OUTSIDE

 

 **Ginger beanstring** : oh worm

 

 **gremlin:** fuck you

 

 **Gremlin:** and there she fucking goes

 

 **Ginger beanstring** : out the window

 

 **Ginger beanstring** : but why??

 

 **Gremlin:** heard shiro screamin bout milk

 

 **Ginger beanstring** : ah

 

 **Ginger beanstring** : is that keith cackling in the background??

 

 **Gremlin:** classical keith

 

 **Gremlin:** when does your shift start

 

 **Ginger beanstring** : at 9

 

 **Ginger beanstring** : and lance isnt here yet

 

 **Gremlin:** oh worm

 

 **Ginger beanstring** : no you don't understand

 

 **Ginger beanstring** : if he doesn't show they will call in someone else and i don't wanna work with rollo or rax

 

 **Gremlin** : omg he fucking dead

 

 **Gremlin:** have you tried texting him?

 

 **Ginger beanstring** : ah

  
  


**Matty matt→ Lancey lance**

**9.53**

 

 **Matty matt** : dude

 

 **Matty matt:** bro

 

 **Matty matt:** brother

 

 **Matty matt:** son of your mother

 

 **Matty matt:** where are you

  


**8.59**

**Matty matt:** plz dont make me work with rollo

 

**9.15**

 

 **Lancey lance:** fuck shit fuck

 

 **Lancey lance:** GIVE ME 5

 

 **Lancey lance:** SHIT SHIT SHIT IM SORRY

  


**BroodyBrother → Broody Sister**

**9.19**

 

 **BroodySister:** i cannot fucking believe you sold me out like that you fucking bitch

 

 **BroodyBrother:** every man for themself

 

 **BroodyBrother:** he also promised me ice cream

 

 **BroodySister:** the fucking audacity

 

 **BroodySister:** you are intolerant??

 **BroodyBrother:** im here for a good time not for a long time

 

 **BroodyBrother:** and he had a camera so

 

 **BroodyBrother:** where are you?

 

 **BroodySister:** also i am on my way to ezor’s

 

 **BroodyBrother:** i was almost certain he was gonna chase you out onto the street

 

 **BroodyBrother:** kinda disappointed tbh

 

 **BroodySister:** yeah yeah

 

 **BroodySister:** btw where did you go last night?? I thought you stopped the night runs

 

 **BroodySister:** cause they fuck with your sleep schedule

 

 **BroodyBrother:** there is a bad connection i cant hear you bye

 

 **BroodySister:** interesting.

  
  
  


**Hunkadunk→** **pidgepodge**

**9.21**

 

**Hunkadunk sent a video [A soaked lance running through the shop, looking like death ]**

 

 **Hunkadunk** : is he okay?

 

 **Pidgepodge:** jesus christ he is dead

 

 **Hunkadunk:** and he is late??

 

 **Hunkadunk:** lance is never late

 

 **Pidgepodge** : haha he looks just like keith did

 

 **Hunkadunk:**?

 

**Pidgepodge sent a photo [keith in a crumbled nike getup looking like death, drinking pidges milk in her kitchen]**

 

 **Hunkadunk** : that is slightly disturbing

 

 **Hunkadunk:** also isn't he lactose intolerant

 

 **Pidgepodge:** keith runs at night and yes

 

 **Hunkadunk** : he and lance sure have a lot in common

 

 **Pidgepodge:** oh god no that would be a fucking disaster

 

**Pidgepodge sent a video [acxa somersaulting…. ]**

 

 **Pidgepodge** : btw look at this fucking gem

 

 **Hunkadunk:** ERYHNXOSKMGTHBJ

  


**Sunshine → noodle**

**9.40**

 

 **Sunshine:** i know you were lying when i asked you what was wrong so i will just leave this here

 

**Sunshine sent a video [acxa somersaulting…. ]**

 

 **Sunshine:** get some sleep lance

 

 **Sunshine:** remember im here for you

 

**19.7**

 

 **Noodle:** GFVBHCNIODKM ACXA YES SHOW HIM

 

 **Noodle:** i love you do you know that

 

 **Noodle:** and i was out running last night

 

 **Noodle:** theyve started again

 

 **Sunshine:** the nighterrors???

 

 **Sunshine:** i thought they had stopped??

 

 **Noodle:** narh

 

 **Sunshine:** im sorry man

 

 **Sunshine:** how long?

 

 **Noodle:** a week at most but they r pretty bad

 

 **Sunshine:** you should go to the school nurse

 

 **Noodle:** mhh

 

 **Sunshine:** allura will skin you alive if you dont take care of yourself man

 

 **Noodle:** i know:)

 

 **Noodle:** but who is gonna tell her:))

  


**Lancer → keefer**

**19.17**

 

 **Lancer:** i need to thank you again

 

 **Keefer** : no you really dont

 

 **Lancer** : i rlly do

 

 **Keefer** : shut the fuck up lance i told you after the first time it happened that i would be there

 

 **Lancer** : btu it fucs wirh yoru sleep shecuel amd you dnot get slepp and taht is my fialt

 

 **Keefer** : can i call

 

 **Lancer** : pls

  


**Call ended 21.47**

**Call duration: 01.26.58**

 

 **Keefer:** pls get some sleep

 **Lancer** : thank you keith

 

 **Keefer:** no problem man

 

 **lancer** :<3

  
  
  
  



	2. And then there was 2

**Zeus → lotor and the Sluts**

**09.37 am. sunday**

 

**Zeus:** *kicks down door* 

 

**Zeus:** get in bitches we re going laser tagging

 

**Azeuros** : umm is that you outside??

 

**Zeus:** yes bitch im coming in

 

**Martini** : i am also there

 

**Martini** : i am going to stay in the car

 

**Legolas** : do we need to pick om acxa?

 

**Axxa** : no im already here

 

**Legolas** : of course, i should have known.

 

**Azeuros** : just cause u are sad and single

 

**Legolas** : I

 

**Martini** : ouch

 

**Azeuros** : >:)

 

**Axxa** : we will be out in a sec 

 

**Axxa** : can we run by the brogaynes household first i forgot my contacts

 

**Legolas** : of course.

  
  


**Allura created the chat and added, katie holt, matthew holt and lance mcclain**

**09.41**

 

**Lance mcclain called the Chat its Sunday my dudes**

 

**Allura** : hello everyone!

 

**Matthew holt** : this barely qualifies as everyone but hey

 

**Katie holt** : Allura!!

 

**Lance mcclain** : henlo

 

**Allura** : whomst

 

**Allura** : anyway lance get ready im picking you up in 2

 

**Lance mcclain** : all ready princess

 

**Allura** : and now to cause of this chat, I haven't seen the holt in an eternity, and therefor, if it okay with you guys, me and lance will be stopping by before going to the studio?

 

**Katie holt** : go for it!!

 

**Matthew holt:** it be your own people

 

**Katie holt** : you have no power here

 

**Katie holt changed their name to TheBetterHolt**

 

**TheBetterHolt changed Matthew holt’s name to Matte**

 

**TheBetterHolt changed lance mcclain's name to mcclame**

 

**TheBetterHolt changed allura’s name to alluring**

 

**Mcclame:** i 

 

**Mcclame:** you know what i dont even care anymore

 

**10.09**

  
  


**TheBetterHolt:** GET YOUR ASSES OVER HER SHIRO HAS GONE INSANE

 

**Mcclame** : binch we are outside your house

 

**Mcclame** : AND I FUCKING SEE IT WTFFFFF

 

**Mcclame** : HBFCNXKJNIJIJFCIND

 

**Matte** : shiro you absolute savage

 

**Alluring added shay and hunk**

 

**Alluring** : this is too golden and it is truly a shame that you aren't here to witness it

 

**Alluring** : okay to bring you up to speed

 

**Alluring** : lotor and the squad roll up to the Brogane residence

 

**Mcclame** : acxa goes for the handel

 

**Matte** : its fucking locked

 

**Mcclame** : acxa proceeds to scream “unlock the fucking door you block ass white bitch”

 

**TheBetterHolt** : above her, shiro is opening the window and proceeds to fucking pour milk on her

 

**Mcclame** : acxa proceeds to scream “you bitter ass baby im telling mom”

 

**Shay** : i

 

**Hunk** : i what

 

**Alluring** : UYDKMÆOS,LHJUEFIIJOUIUIU OMF G AXCSDYGUJXK

 

**Mcclame** : AN ACCTUAL QUEEN GFYCDHXSKMLKJEIJ

 

**Matte sent a video[acxa walking to the car, only to turn in the last moment and lunge up the wall, through the window, Shiro screaming very manly in the background]**

 

**Shay** : AAHHHHHHH I LOVE ACXA

 

**Hunk** : oh worm

 

**Shay** : no

 

**Shay** : babe

 

**TheBetterHolt** : OMGF KEITH

 

**TheBetterHolt** : HE LOOKS SO CONFUSED THIS IS FUCKING GOLDEN AHHHHHHHHSHJDFSX.DFIJ

 

**Mcclame** : look at his mullet

 

**Hunk** : oh worm

 

**Mcclame** : shit

 

**TheBetterHolt** : you know keith?

 

**Mcclame** : nah bruh

 

**TheBetterHolt** : Interesting.

 

**Alluring** : where has he been?

 

**TheBetterHolt:** Prolly at the gym

 

**Mcclame** : while this has been very fun,

 

**Alluring** : we have to get going

 

**Matte** : damn

 

**TheBetterHolt:** YGFRHUCJKKJJK ACXA JUST JUMPED OUT THE WINDOW AGAIN, DID LITTLE ROLL AND JUMPED INTO THE CAR THROUGH THE FUCKING WINDOW WDKKIHLHUKHYUKHYU

 

…

  
  


**Princess → FavoriteCousin**

**10.20**

 

**Princess** : are you okay?

 

**FavoriteCousin** : im?? Fine??

 

**FavoriteCousin** : why?

 

**Princess** : you are being a little excessive, ITS NOT BAD!! Merely an observation

 

**FavoriteCousin:** dosent mean something is wrong

 

**Princess** : …

 

**FavoriteCousin:** geeze fine but dont fucking kill me

 

**FavoriteCousin:** ill spill in the car

 

**Princess** : (:

  
  


**Katie holt created the chat and added hunk garrett and matthew holt**

**10.30**

 

**Katie holt changed their name to podge**

 

**Podge changed hunk garrett's name to honk**

 

**Podge changed mathew holt’s name to mott**

 

**Podge named the chat SCIENCE THOTS**

 

Podge: did anyone notice the Look keith gave lance when he was driving away

 

Mott: omfg i thought i was the only one who noticed

 

Mott: it was so,, Soft

 

Podge: gfvbhcd do we meddle???

 

Mott: do they even know each other??

 

Honk: i dont think so??

 

Podge: but like keith has like a raging crush on lance

 

Podge: shiro sent me a video last week off keith watching his covers with allura

 

Mott: that boy is pinning

 

Honk: i dont know about lance tho? He hasnt told me anything

 

Mott: nhhhh but did yall see in the chat??

 

Podge: yes omg, he yeeted the fuck out of there

 

Honk: plz just give it some time, they might work it out themselves

 

Podge: okay mom

 

Mott: okay mom, but i will get my answers

 

Honk: yeah yeah

  
  


**Shirt → fuckos**

**10.35**

 

**Shirt** : watch out your gay is showing

 

**Axe** : watch out your gay is showing

 

**Knife** : i will fight

  
  
  


**Princess → FavoriteCousin**

**18.35**

 

**Princess:** Thank you for an amazing session!

 

**Princess** : sent a video

 

**Princess** : this is the finished version, i am done with editing and will be posting it shortly

 

**FavoriteCousin:** nice!

 

**FavoriteCousin:** you sound so good lurra!!!

 

**Princess** : thank you lance, you're not bad yourself, you know this((:

 

**Princess** : so keith huh?

 

**FavoriteCousin:** i fucking knew it

 

**Princess** : though i am very sorry to hear that the night terrors have returned, i think it is incredibly sweet of keith to do that

 

**Princess** : even more sweet that you have a big fat crush on him

 

**FavoriteCousin:** i hate that people think you're a decent person

 

**FavoriteCousin:** you r evil

 

**Princess** : plz you love me

 

**FavoriteCousin:** you r right and i hate it

 

**Princess** : (:<

 

**Princess** : it is up now!!!

  
  


**Shirt → fuckos**

**19.00**

 

**Shirt** : so the Song

 

**Knife** : im so gay

 

**Axe** : *cough*gayforlance*cough*

 

**Knife** :  ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 

**Shirt:** SCREENSHOT

 

**Axe:** JKJDFIXJIJ


	3. not much has changed but they live underwater

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a shorter one, mostly lance and foreshadowing

**Azeuros → lotor and the Sluts**

**11.31 am. Monday (They are off until wednesday because of the queens birthday and what not)**

 

 **Azeuros** **sent a link**

 

 **Azeuros** : GO LANCE

 

 **Azeuros** : GO LURA

 

 **Martini** : you are yelling

 

 **Azeuros** : sorry narti

 

 **Legolas** : is that lance?

 

 **Axxa** : why?

 

 **Azeuros** : hear/see something you like?

 

 **Legolas** : wtf no

 

 **Azeuros** : lets just so if i wasnt in a committed relationship with the best girl in the WORLD

 

 **Azeuros** : he would have had me

 

 **Axxa** : if i wasnt so gay

 

 **axxa** : you guys are so much alike tho

 

 **Axxa** : guess the brogaynes have a type

 

 **Zeus** : skinny loud people

 

 **Azeuros:** EXCuse me listen here you son of a bitch

 

 **Nartini** : but keith and shiro are single?

 

 **Axxa** : pinning fools

 

 **Azeuros** : EVIJNCRDKM MATT

 

 **Legolas** : so keith and shiro both like matt?

  
  


**Moon → sun**

**11.51**

 

 **Moon** : Im gonna tell him

 

 **Sun** : DOnT YOU DARE

  
  


**Lancer → keefer**

**11.42**

 

 **Lancer:** sooo i mighthave toldallura aboutthewalks

 

 **Keefer** : shit

 

 **Lancer** : im sorry!! But she just always knows when smth is up n i cant lie to her

 

 **Lancer** : smh

 

 **Keefer** : its okay its fine dont worry

 

 **Lancer** : she isnt going to say anything tho

 

 **Lancer** : omg we could fuck with the others

 

 **Keefer** : like keep it hidden that,, we know each other??

 

 **Lancer** : dont really wanna tell everybody about the night terrors, only hunk and allurra know n thats cause they had to

 

 **Lancer** : And if they know there is going to be a lot of questions

 

 **Keefer** : But they are probably gonna find out sooner or later

 

 **Lancer** : Yeah but we could have fun with it:D

 

 **Keefer** : Alright then

 

 **Lancer** : :D

  
  


**Knife → fuckos**

**11.47**

 

 **Knife** : im so fucking gay  i cAnT

  
  


**Keefer → Lancer**

**11.49**

 

 **Keefer** : btw i really liked the new song

 

 **Lancer** : omg THANK YOU KIETH

 

 **Lancer** : :D

 

 **Keefer:** :)

  
  


**FavoriteCousin →** **Princess**

  1. **51**



 

 **FavoriteCousin:** my bi heart CANT TAKE THIS AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

 

 **Princess:** oh dear.


	4. The Longest Boy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> one very long boy with klance

**Lancer → keefer**

**12.11 pm. monday**

 

**Lancer** : hey keef

 

**Keefer** : hey lance

 

**Lancer** : Do you wanna hang out today before my shift?

 

**Keefer** : aren't we supposed to lie low?

 

**Lancer** : so its a no? We can be sneaky?

 

**Keefer** : i didnt say no

 

**Keefer** : ill pick you

 

**Keefer** : be ready in 5

  
  
  


**Dad → emobitch**

**12.13 pm.**

 

**Dad:** did you take the jeep

 

**Emobitch** : ya

 

**Emobitch** : how did you know

 

**Dad** : im next door not on fucking Kerberos

 

**Dad** : say hi to your boyfriend from me

 

**Emobitch** : i could say the same thing but then i would be as unoriginal as you

  
  
  


**Lurrra → Makeup HOES (lurrra, lancey, shadeyB, numanuma, ezzzo, flora, swine and bitchblum)**

**12.34 pm. monday**

 

**Lurrra:** go like my new pic on Instagram

 

**ShadeyB** : already did!

 

**Numanuma** : ^^^^

 

**Ezzzo** : do you really need more likes tho?

 

**Lurrra** : yes

 

**Flora** : lol

 

**Bitchblum** : so you are not gonna talk about the song???

 

**Swine** : you posted a NeW SONG?? 

 

**Ezzzo** : yEAH ITS WITH LANCE AND ITS SO GOOD

 

**Swine** : BRB

 

**Numanuma** : calm down wtf

 

**Flora** : Dont talk bitch you screamed when you saw it

 

**ShadeyB** : its really good tho

 

**Lurrra** : thank you so much everyone!! :D

 

**Numanuma** : where is lance tho

 

**ShadeyB** : he has a shift in 3 hours

 

**ShadeyB** : he is probably asleep

 

**Lurrra:** narh i talked to him like 2 minutes ago

 

**lancey:** like 40 but okay

 

**Lancey:** thanK YOU SO MUCH EVERYONE ILY!!

 

**Lancey** : see you in 3 hours shay!!

 

**Flora:** omfg

 

**Ezzzo:** bitch resurrected to call you out

 

**Lurrra** : it be your own fucking people

 

**Numanuma** : did he leave??

 

**Flora** : omg lance

 

**bitchblum** : what is he doing?

 

**Numanuma** : prolly out with some dude

 

**Lurrra** : omg 

 

**Ezzzo** : omg

 

**ShadeyB:** i am Afraid to ask

  
  
  


**Sisterinarms → brotherinarms**

**12.50 pm. monday**

 

**Sisterinarms** : hello brother

 

**Sisterinarms** : Whomst be the new bae

 

**Brotherinarms:** i what

 

**Brotherinarms** : i dont?? know??? what?? you are talking??? about?

 

**Sisterinarms** :MMMmmmmmMMMMHHHHhhhhhhhhhmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

 

**Brotherinarms** : jesus you are revolting

 

**Sisterinarms** : The Fucking Slander you come into my home and discriminate my good name

 

**Brotherinarms:** jesus fucking christ

 

**Sisterinarms** : tell me their name

 

**Sisterinarms** : tell me their name

 

**Sisterinarms** : tell me their name

 

**…[it continues]**

 

**12.59**

 

**Sisterinarms** : tell me their name

 

**Sisterinarms** : tell me their name

 

**Sisterinarms** : tell me their name

 

**Brotherinarms:** will you fucking stop 

 

**Sisterinarms** : when you tell me their name

 

**Brotherinarms:** jfc

 

**Brotherinarms:** you have to SWEAR not to say anything

 

**Sisterinarms:**  pinky promise

 

**Brotherinarms:** hnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

 

**Sisterinarms** : come on you know you want to

 

**Sisterinarms:** come to the dark side

 

**Sisterinarms:** we have cookies

 

**Brotherinarms:** Its keith

 

**Sisterinarms** : HJOLYFUXINSHITYHNFCKJNJ

 

**Sisterinarms** : KETIH FUCKING KOGAY 

 

**Sisterinarms** : OMG NOW WE CAN BE TRUE BROTHERS IN ARMS

 

**Sisterinarms:** us against the brogaynes!!!!!!

 

**Brotherinarms:** are you fucking plotting against me ezzor?

 

**Brotherinarms:** that was keith

 

**Brotherinarms:** he has been reading over my shoulder since you started spamming me

 

**Sisterinarms:** r you guys at your place?

 

**Brotherinarms:** narh we at dunkins

 

**Brotherinarms:** ya know the cozy booth

 

**Sisterinarms:** r u guys cuddling

 

**Brotherinarms:** i

 

**Brotherinarms** : the fucking slander i am tired you come into this fine ass home and rub my name on the walls i am Tired

 

**Sisterinarms** : BFVNCJDKJKMKJ

 

**Sisterinarms** : so thats a yes???

 

**Brotherinarms** : hnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

  
  
  


**Allura altea created the chat and added lance mcclain, hunk garrett, takashi shirogane, keith kogane, katie holt, matthew holt and shay balmera**

**13.09**

 

**Allura altea named the chat The Coalition**

 

**Allura altea changed their name to yourhighness**

 

**Katie holt changed their name to pidgeot**

 

**Takashi shirogane changed their name to shiro**

 

**Matthew holt changed shiro’s name to daddy**

 

**Pidgeot:** of course you’d think that 

 

**Hunk garrett changed their name to hunky**

 

**Hunk changed daddy’s name to spacedad**

 

**Lance mcclain:** hunk, ever the peacekeeper

 

**Matthew holt changed their name to doormatt**

 

**Lance mcclain changed their name to sharpshooter**

 

**Spacedad changed keith kogane’s name to I Have A Knife**

 

**I Have A Knife:** not in front of my fucking friends dad

 

**Doormatt** : what fucking friends

 

**I Have A Knife:** large coming from you fucking whore

 

**Shay balmera:** :O

 

**Sharpshooter** : VFBHUNCDUXZSC

 

**Pidgeot** : FBCEDKIKJJJMKI YES KEITH DRAG THAT BITCH

 

**Doormatt** : it be your own people

 

**Doormatt** : dont fuck with me i have THE POWER OF GOD AND ANIME ON MY SIDEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

 

**Yourhighness changed shay balmera’s name to darling**

 

**Darling:** kcxdihkjhj

 

**Hunky** : keith i am your friend

 

**Yourhighness** : we can all be friends!! I am sure most off you know each other already, but we didn't have a groupchat

 

**Yourhighness** : But now we do!!

 

**Doormatt** : Sounds fake but okay

 

**Doormatt** : you just gathered us here to praise you

 

**Yourhighness** : that I did.

 

**Pidgeot** : allurayskjdkjd

 

**Hunky** : are we doing introductions?

 

**Yourhighness** : oh yes of course.

 

**yourhighness** : you all know me, my name is allura and i am a sophmore at voltron and i am a Gay

 

**Spacedad** : you can call me shiro, i am a junior, pansexual and keith is my bitch ass cousin

 

**Doormatt** : am very well known her but my name is skinnypenis and i am a junior with spacedad, i am also a flaming bisexsual

 

**Pidgeot** : call me pidge, junior at the garrison, ace, matt is my bitch ass brother

 

**Hunky** : my name is hunk, i am a senior, i am straight but not Straight, and i love my girlfriend!!!

 

**Darling** : <3

 

**Pidgeot** : pure

 

**Darling** : i am shade

 

**Sharpshooter** : I mean your not wrong

 

**Darling** : shay*

 

**Darling** : shut your fuck

 

**Spacedad** : language

 

**Darling** : shut yo*r fuck

 

**Pidgeot** : i have infinite amounts of respect for you

 

**Darling** :  (▀̿Ĺ̯▀̿ ̿) thanks

 

**Darling** : anyway my name is shay, i am also a senior, i have the bi and i love my boyfriend!!

 

**Sharpshooter** : a power couple

 

**Sharpshooter** : name’s lance, i am a senior, a bi, and i love myself

 

**Doormatt** : djnfciojij what about me binch

 

**Sharpshooter** : and matt

 

**Spacedad** : :O

 

**I Have A Knife** : my name is keith kogayne, i am a senior and i will fight you takashi

 

**Spacedad** : i hAvE A kNiFE AnD A BlAcK bElT iN taEkWOnDo 

 

**I Have A Knife** : and a mulletyugfvbod  **(lance took his phone)**

 

**I Have A Knife** : you are walking on thin fucking ice here 

 

**Spacedad** : I eat guys like you for breakfast 

 

**Sharpshooter:** vore

 

**I Have A Knife** : I Have A Knife

 

**Sharpshooter:** are you gonna cut yourself up?

 

**Sharpshooter:** into little pieces?

 

**I Have A Knife** : lance i will fuck you up.

 

**Sharpshooter** : aaa so scared, bring it mullet

 

**Yourhighness** : while this is very entertaining let's change the subject

  
  


….

  
  


**Katie holt created the chat and added Hunk garret, Allura altea, Takashi shirogane, Shay balmera, Matthew holt, Acxa kogane and Ezor sanchez**

**14.18**

**Katie holt named the chat I Don't Fucking Believe It**

 

**Katie holt: S** omething fishy is going on and I Know you Fucks Know Something.   
  



	5. i cant believe its not Butt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the bets are placed  
> the people choose a side  
> people get v high  
> everybody is sus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> have another chapter, i apparently don't know what sleep is.
> 
> thank you for reading!  
> hope you enjoy!!  
> comments and kudos will save my life:D

**Sun → Moon**

**14.18 pm.monday**

 

**Sun** : ????

 

**Moon** : ?????

 

**Sun** : glad we on the same page

  
  
  


**I Don’t Fucking Believe It**

**14.18 pm. Monday**

 

**Katie holt changed their name to pidgey**

 

**Pidgey changed hunk garrett’s name to hunk**

 

**Pidgey changed takashi shirogane’s name to takashit**

 

**Pidgey changed shay balmera’s name to hoops**

 

**Pidgey changed allura altea’s name to royal**

 

**Pidgey changed matthew holt’s name to memethew**

 

**Pidgey changed ezor sanchez’s name to ekko**

 

**pidgey changed acxa kogane’s name to Axe**

 

**Pidgey** : spill it

 

**Axe** : im sorry im not quite following 

 

**Pidgey sent a photo [the last page of the group chat]**

 

**Axe** : isnt that just keith being keith?

 

**Ekko** : isnt that just lance being lance?

 

**Hunk** : lance still hasnt told me anything so idk man

 

**Takashit** : He could be rejecting his feelings and hoping the Gay would go away?

 

**Memethew** : you cannot pray away the Gay

 

**Axe** : I mean Its not a secret that keith is super duper gay for lance

 

**royal** : Yes We all know this

 

**Memethew** : pinning TM

 

**Pidgey** : seems sus

 

**Ekko** : to be fair i dont see anything but lance being lance

 

**Royal** : and keith is actually not that akward

 

**Royal** : we all know this

 

**Pidgey** : sounds fake but okay

 

**Pidgey** : shay. you have been very quiet

 

**Hoops** : well i dont really know keith so it isnt my place to speak

 

**Pidgey** : but you know lance

 

**Hoops** : yeah but

 

**Hoops** : lance is weird 

 

**Memethew** : an enigma

 

**Pidgey** : hunk?

 

**Hunk** : well as shay said i havent got the green light to speak so i am not gonna say anything, you know

 

**Pidgey** : so you know Something?

 

**Hunk** : i do know something but its not the Something you want to know

 

**Pidgey** : it be your own people

 

**Takashit** : lance has history of picking fights so this could also be that

 

**Memethew** : we bisexsuals, like uneccery conflict

 

**hoops** : true

 

**Pidgey** : i still find it unlikely that they haven't met

 

**Hunk** : but we kinda all got to know eachother one on one? 

 

**Hunk** : lance and i are childhoodfriends, allura and lance are cousins, you and lance met at the garrison, lance met shay trough me, lance knew shiro by reputation(which is false advertisment shiro you are a mess) and met him trough matt, he met matt trough the cafe and pidge

 

**Ekko** : i have spanish with lance, and so have acxa

 

**Hunk** : like we have all been friends for years but it is possible that he has never met keith

 

**Hunk** : highly unlikely but still possible 

 

**Pidgey** : i am now taking Bets

 

**Pidgey** : so place your bets losers you have no choice

 

**Hunk** : what are we betting on, relationship status?

 

**Pidge** : yes

 

**Memethew** : 20 on them smashing face right at this fucking moment

 

**Takashit** : hunk. katie. matthew.

 

**Royal** : nhhhh 15 on them being friends

 

**Takashit** : allura. 

 

**Hunk** : 20 on strangers

 

**hoops** : mhhh lance is a shady bitch im with matt, 25

 

**Axe** : 20 on them being pinning idiots and not knowing what their relationship is

 

**Takashit** : does lance pine??

 

**Ekko** : he fucking does now, im with acxa

 

**Takashit** : ugh, 30 on strangers

 

**Pidgey** : okay then

 

**Memethew** : what are you betting on?

 

**Pidgey** : im not gonna fucking tell you

 

**Hoops** : omg should we bring in florona, she knows keith from taekwondo and lance from piano

 

**Royal** : omg yes

 

**Hoops added florona seaworth**

 

**Florona seaworth changed their name to floor**

 

**Floor** : are we scheming? 

 

**Hoops** : yes bitch, we are betting on klance’s relationship status

 

**Floor** : okay i just read up, im with axe, 40

 

**Takashit** : jesus fucking christ

 

**Floor** : Takashi Shirogane

 

**Takashit** : Florona

 

**Floor** : what a surprise to see your measly self here

 

**Takashit** : you too my dear, dear old fiend

**Hoops** : im out i have shift in 10

 

**Floor** : bye gorl!!

 

**Hoops** : *salut*

 

**Pidgey** : well that was ominous you fucks im out

 

**Royal** : ^^^^^

 

**Hunk** : ditto

 

**Memethew** : i also have a shift byeee

 

**Takashit** : later matt

 

…

  
  


**Lancer → keefer**

**14.30**

 

**Lancer** : today was nice

 

**Keefer** : yeah

 

**Keefer** : :)

 

**Lancer** : jesus christ you are killing me

 

**Keefer** : i, why

 

**Lancer** : yourcute

 

**Keefer** : you arent slick mcclain

 

**Keefer** : btw are you driving??

 

**Lancer** : narh im sitting in the parking lot in front of B.O.B

 

**Lancer** : i think they have a chat without us?

 

**Keefer** : 100%

 

**Lancer** : we arent slick

 

**Keefer** : vescfrfdxskl

 

**Lancer** : pidgey probably started a bet

 

**Keefer** : 100%

 

**Keefer** : how have you been sleeping? Any better??

 

**Lancer** : yeah kinda? I mean havent been waking screaming since we were out last time but i still wake up

 

**Lancer** : not really getting all the sleep i should but what can you do

 

**Keefer** : my offer still stands you know

 

**Lancer** : yeah i know

 

**Lancer** : i just cant really ask that of you ya know

 

**Keefer** : isnt that my decision to make?

 

**Lancer** : damn

 

**Lancer** : ill let you know

 

**lancer** :..<3

 

**Keefer** : ijejqmvdcd

 

**Lancer** : gotta get to work, later <3

 

**Keefer** : <3

  
  


**Allura altea created the chat and added lance mcclain and ezor sanchez**

**18.34**

 

**Lance mcclain** : oh hell no i am not suffering alone

 

**Lance mcclain added keith kogane**

 

**Allura altea changed their name to royalty**

 

**Royalty named the chat Enlightened** **TM**

 

**Royalty changed lance mcclain’s name to sharkboy**

 

**Royalty changed keith kogane’s name to knifeboy**

 

**Royalty changed ezor sanchez name to stephanie**

 

**Knifeboy** : ezor. 

 

**Stephanie** : keith. 

 

**Sharkboy:** allura this is really fucking uncalled for

 

**Royalty** : calm down we are on your side

 

**Royalty** : im gonna make bank

 

**Stephanie** : acxa the only woke one yall are stupid

 

**Knifeboy:** ?

 

**Sharkboy** : the bet

 

**Royalty** : do you know something i dont??

 

**Stephanie** : as a matter of fact i do

 

**Royalty** : keith lance spill

 

**Sharkboy** : upsi dupsi

 

**Knifeboy** : oh no would you look at the time

 

**Sharkboy** : time to go

 

**Royalty** : wtf

 

**Stephanie** : a power couple

  
  
  


**Broodysister → broodybrother**

**19.35**

 

**Broodysister** : wanna smoke

 

**Broodybrother** : ya

 

**Broodysister** : can ezor come

 

**Broodybrother** : ya

 

**Broodysister** : k be home in 2

  
  


**Matty matt → lancey lance**

**19.38**

 

**Matty matt** : you want some weed kid

 

**Lancey lance** : do i wanna get stoned? yes

 

**Matty matt** : can we go to the beach

 

**Lancey lance** : um YES OFC

 

**Matty matt** : ya boy coming to pick you up in -2 minuttes 

  
  


**Zeus → lotor and the sluts**

**20.01**

 

**Zeus** : lets go to the beach

 

**Legolas** : okay, who is driving

 

**Martini** : im in

 

**Zeus** : im bringing nyma

 

**Zeus** : and im driving

 

**Axxa** : me n ez cant we chillin at the borgayynes hous

 

**Martini** : you do know you live there right?

 

**Axxa** : ya

 

**Zeus** : omg narti i want to get grass now

 

**Legolas** : could you just go?

 

**Zeus** : calm down loreal youre not worth it

 

**Martini** : ouch

 

**Zeus** : ETA 5 

  
  


**spacedad→ The Coalition**

**21.05**

 

**Spacedad** : I come home from my shift to find ez, ax n keith lying in the grass, all of them, smoking joints

 

**Spacedad:** you guys they are so high rn omfg

 

**Spacedad sent a video**

 

**[Ezor and acxa are laying on the ground, Ezor with her head on acxa’s stomach and softly giggling. Keith is sitting cross legged, feeling the grass and mumbling softly about the smell, half a blunt dangling from his lips.**

 

**The recording shakes slightly, as shiro moves to sit down on one of the patio chairs. None of them look up.**

 

**Keith [mumbling softly about cinderella]**

**Ezor: keeeeeeeeeeeeeeiitthh come over here**

**Acxa: keef what, aare you doing**

**Keith: begone thot**

**Keith: why isnt t baby food no wiat,**

**Acxa: do you think the ocean is salty because the land never wawes back**

 

**Shiro softly in the background: wtf**

 

**ezor : well i sure as fukc would beeee**

 

**Ezor lifts her head too stare at the camera before dropping it again, sending acxa into a coughing fit.**

 

**Keith, yelling: FUCK THE OCEAN**

**Ezor mumbling: i don thin k lanceylancey lance woul aprove of that**

 

**Keith looking horrified and like he is about to cry**

 

**Acxa and ezor burst out laughing, snorting at keith, as he takes another drag and keels over, while slurring profanities and insults.**

 

**The video ends with shiro turning to facecam, looking equal parts irked and amused]**

 

**Sharpshooter** : keeeeeeeeeeeeeiiiitthhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

 

**Spacedad** : he is a little preoccupied at the moment

 

**I Have A Knife** : no watrgfve

 

**Hunky** : oh worm

 

**Doormatt** : lance baby come back to bed

 

**Sharpshooter** : but we are at beach!

 

**Allura** : get your grabby hands off

 

**Doormatt** : ih i am si veryy scared

 

**Spacedad** : HEy we arnt in tis one

 

**Spacedad** added acxa kogane

 

**Spacedad** added ezor sanchez

 

**Spacedad** : are you happy now

 

**Ezor sanchez changed their name to ez**

 

**Ez changed acxa kogane’s name to GF**

 

**Ez** : yessssssss

 

**Ez** : VERY MUCH so

 

**Doormatt sent a video [lance skinny dipping in the ocean,a sunset in the background,  while screaming “ocean man take me by the hand”]**

 

**…**

 

**21.21**

 

**GF** : lol i told u keef

 

**Sharpshooter** : do nt kall him that

 

**Pidgeot** : softly* wtf

 

**Darling** : this is really fucking weird ngl

 

**I Have A Knife** : wat did you tels me

 

**Ez** : lance woul b mad if yu fucked te ocan

 

**I Have A Knife:** lance who?

 

**Sharpshooter** : dont now newer heart of him 

 

**Hunky** : wtf

 

…

 

**23.21**

 

**Doormatt** : omfg

 

**Doormatt** : Lotord is here

 

**Doormatt** : and nyma n zhet and the blind girl and narti

 

**Doormatt** : He is hitin on lanxe harcore

 

**Doormatt** : wow curve of teh yeear

 

**Doormatt** : yu go lance

 

**Doormatt** sent a picture[blurry cursed image off lance with glowing eyes, lotor in the background laying on the sand]

 

**Spacedad** : i am coming to get you

 

**Doormatt** : thanks daddy

 

**Yourhighness** : in front of my fucking salad >:O

 

**Doormatt** : succ

 

**Spacedad** : matt.

 

**Sharpshooter** : oghhhhh u in trobleeee

 

**Darling** : there is things, in this world that i didnt need to see

 

**Sharpshooter** sent a video  [5 seconds off lance squinting at the flash, sideglaring lotor beside him]

 

**Sparpshooter** : keeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeferrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

 

**Doormatt** : Omg loturd just slun his arm round lances wast and lanse doubledv over and sat in the sanddcm woat is going on shiro p l s come

 

**Shiro** : walking down the trail now, be there in 2

 

**I Have A Knife:** laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannceerrrrrr

 

**Pidgeot** : im gonna make bank bitches


	6. Ed Sheeran wouldn't treat me like this

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I Have A knife: its okay allora my real dad left me too  
> Sharpshooter: apologie u fuc  
> Spacedad:Go To Sleep  
> Spacedad: if i die prematurely i am suing you fucks from hell  
> Sharpshooter: i hear the words of a dead man  
> Doormat: ho how is hsi speling taht good  
> Spacedad: DONT MAKE ME COME DOWN THERE I WILL TAKE YOURF´FUCKING PHONES  
> Pidgeot: censur  
> Yourhighness: now who thought the baby how to cuss

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so,  
> 1\. I have had a few exams that I needed to get out of the way before I could start writing chapters properly but I am now officially FREE  
> 2\. I am insane and have no concept, what so ever, of an uploading schedule, chapters are likely to be coming in bursts, but I will try to keep them coming without too much hiatus.  
> 3\. I changed the format, please let me know if it's confusing or if you liked the old one better :)
> 
> come scream at me on Tumblr - excusemesirthatsmyseat
> 
> your kudos and comment fuel me

**Lancer → keefer**

**00.20**

 

**Lancer** : keeffer

**Lancer** : quafer

**Keefer** : lance lancer lancy

**Keefer** : r uo okay

**Lancer** : ya totes fine my dude

**Keefer** : kay were ar you

**Lancer** : im in my mums car brum bum

**Keefer** : get out me car

**Lancer** : oh

**Keefer** : can i ask you someting

**Lancer** : ya ma dude

**Keefer** : do you like lotor? 

**Lancer** : narh my dude

**Lancer** : Lotor can go succc a dic

**Lancer** : but not this dick

**Keefer** : illl take it

**Lancer** : okay ig

  
  


**spacedad→ The Coalition**

**00.30**

 

**Spacedad** : i have successfully wrangled matt and lance

**Spacedad** : lance crashed on the couch and matt is also sleeping

**Pidgeot:** where is he sleeping ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

**Spacedad** : i came here to have a good time and i am honestly feeling so attacked

**Hunky** : stay safe

**Darling** : and remember to use protection kids

**Yourhighness** : once again in front of my salad shiro have you got no decency you fucking animal

**Spacedad** : go to bed

**I Have A Knife** : you not my real fucking dad

**pidgeot** : your not my fucking dad

**I Have A Knife** : (☞ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)☞

**Pidgeot** : (☞ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)☞

**Pidgeot** : kryptkids eyyyyy

**Spacedad** : i giving up custody to allura

**Yourhighness** :*covers everybody’s ears* not in front of the fucking kids shiro

**Hunky** : dad??

**Darling** : you are dead to me shiro

**I Have A knife** : its okay allora my real dad left me too

**Sharpshooter** : apologie u fuc

**Spacedad** :Go To Sleep

**Spacedad** : if i die prematurely i am suing you fucks from hell

**Sharpshooter** : i hear the words of a dead man

**Doormat** : ho how is hsi speling taht good

**Spacedad** : DONT MAKE ME COME DOWN THERE I WILL TAKE YOURF´FUCKING PHONES

**Pidgeot** : censur

**Yourhighness** : now who thought the baby how to cuss

 

**Spacedad left the chat**

  
**yourhighness** : the evil has been defeated

 **pidgeot:** a queen

 **yourhigness** : goodnight everyone!(:

 **darling** : !!! night

 **hunky** : have a nice slep!!

 **pidgeot** : night mom

 **doormatt:** ha yourHIGHness

 **yourhihness** : matthew

 **doormatt:** godnight!

 

**yourhighness added Spacedad to The Coalition**

 

 

**Keefer → lancer**

**00.43**

 

**Keefer:** dont think for one second im not coming down there

  
  


**Moon → sun**

**08.20**

 

**Moon sent a picture [keith and lance cuddling on the couch. Lance’s head on keith’s chest with keith’s hand in his hair]**

 

**Sun** : Those Fucking Idiots They Are Not Even Trying To Hide It I Am Tired

**Moon** : you knew?

**Sun** : you mean to tell me you didnt 

**Moon** : ngl i kinda did

**Sun** : omg i can add you now

**Moon** : wath

**Sun** : also you need to wake them up before anyone else sees them

**Moon** : they’re hiding it?

**Sun** : well theyre not broadcasting it yet but just wait

**Sun** : they are gonna be legendary gross

**Sun** : lance is famouse for PDA

**Moon** : keith too with the right people

**Sun** : aww just like youu

**Moon** : well he is my little brother

**Sun** : shiro is probably like that too

**Moon** : well he is my cousin/big brother

**Moon** : shiro just woke up

**Moon** : he looks like shit

**Sun** : can he tho?

**Moon** : trust me you know nothing jon snow i live with him

**Moon** : also

**Sun** : im sorry i have /eyes/

**Moon** : you can only have eyes for mee

**Sun** : oh trust me i do

**Sun** : plz come back to bed i looove yooouu

**Sun** : also plz tell me you woke them up

**Moon** : ya they were pretty out of it

**Sun** : fucking idiots

  
  


**Enlightened** **TM**

**9.04**

 

**Stephanie added acxa kogane**

 

**Stephanie changed acxa kogane’s name to WokeAF**

 

**WokeAF sent a picture**

 

**Royalty:** ГИМАЛОВА MY kLANCE HEART

**Sharkboy** : i have created a monster

**Knifeboy** : this is your fault

**Sharkboy** : oh hush

**Knifeboy** : make me

**Sharkboy** : tfrhyuijk

**WokeAF** : they are making out now

**Sharkboy** : in my christian server! I think not

**Royalty** : oh worm

 

**Knifeboy sent a picture [lance looking flustered]**

 

**Royalty** : thats what i thought

**Stephanie** : thot

**WokeAF** : k yall we need to talk about lotor

**Stephanie** : o ya that happend

**Knifeboy** : He Needs To Get His Grabby Hands Off

**Royalty** : oooo Possessive keith

**Stephanie** : go get that ass son

**WokeAF** : your gay is showing

**Knifeboy** : fuck you my gay is allowed to show

**Stephanie** : are you dating yet

**Knifeboy** : narh we re taking it slow

**Sharkboy** : cause he a considerate boyf

**Knifeboy** : jdsknfv

**Royalty** : oh worm

**Stephanie** : that actually so sweet tho

**WokeAF** : go get that ass (in the nearest future)

**Knifeboy** : i hate you

**Royalty** : anyway loturd

**Sharkboy** : well he obviously can't get that ass i am Taken

**WokeAF** : also, he thinks you and shiro both like matt

**Knifeboy** : what have you done

**Royalty** : you did tell him the truth yes??

**Stephanie** : yeah narh

**Stephanie** : we could take the piss outta him

**Knifeboy** : absolutely fucking not

**Sharkboy** : yeah im not really on that either

**Royalty** : klance,,,, not willing to play a little tiny prank

**Sharkboy** : the prank relies solely on me and i think the fuck not

**Sharkboy** : i dont trust the guy he is crepy ass heelllll

**Knifeboy** : 1. ax, ez, he is like one of your best friends???

**Knifeboy** : 2. Lotor is creepy and stalked me freshman year???

**Knifeboy** : 3. I THINK THE FUCK NOT

**Royalty** : ):

**Sharkboy** : No.

**Stephanie** : well that was a bust

**WokeAF** : tbh i get it

**Knifeboy** : ???

**WokeAF** : like i would personally be super insecure about it so i get it

**Knifeboy** : Expose Me Why Dont You

**Stephanie** : im sorry if that how you feel keef

**Sharkboy** : babe:((

**Knifeboy** : curedsdrhbgfkj

**Royalty** : anyway i have shift in half an hour so i will see you all later!

**Sharkboy** : ya im gonna go to my house and nap bye

**Knifeboy** : imma go nap with him bye

**WokeAF** : mood

**Stephanie** : same

**Stephanie** : and then there was 2


	7. The time i Mistake my dad for a Moth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yourhighness : god fucking damn it  
> pidgeot: for fuck's sake  
> Spacedad : matt, my only true ally in this world  
> Doormatt : thats gay  
> Spacedad : there is nothing straight about this chat  
> Spacedad : or us for that matter  
> I have a knife : so there’s a fucking /us/ now  
> Pidgeot : so there’s an /us/ now  
> Doormatt : well,,

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Throws chapter at you and hides*
> 
> well well look who fucking decided to update
> 
> your comment and kudos fuel me

**Doormatt → the coalition**

**09.30**

 

 **Doormatt** : im dying

 **yourhighness** : why are you awake

 **Doormatt** : shiro

 **Darling** : yall fucking

 **Pidgeot** : in my christian server

 **Spacedad** : Shay.

 **Yourhighness** : um worm

 **Spacedad** : you are now not my favorite child

 **Pidgeot** : yes my time to shine

 **Darling** : i

 **Darling** : D:

 **Spacedad** : @keith is my new favorite child

 **Yourhighness** : It’s okay shay you can be my favorite child.

 **Sharpshooter** : EXCuse ME

 **Doormatt** : you can be my favorite child lance

 **Sharpshooter** : :D

 **Spacedad** : where tf is keith

 **Pidgeot** : probably dead

 **Spacedad** : yes I get his Reese stash

 **Spacedad** : Keith is dead and hunk is now my favorite child

 **Pidgeot** : ( ͡ಠ ʖ̯ ͡ಠ)

 **Hunky** : :)

 **Spacedad** : also i am eating all his Reeses

 **Doormatt** : savage

 **Yourhighness** : what has made him so bitter?

 **Pidgeot** : milk

 **Yourhigness** : but

 **Darling** : hunk im coming over

 **Doormatt** : ohh shiro is not a happy camper

 **Spacedad** : little fucking emo has locked it in a safe

 **Hunky** : kay:)

 **Hunky** : tina is cooking tonight

 **Sharpshooter** : damn i miss tina’s cooking

 **Sharpshooter** : thb honest i miss your moms

 **Hunky** : they say they miss you too

 **Sharpshooter** : :’)

 **I have a knife** : hunk has 2 moms?

 **Sharpshooter** : yeah

 **Spacedad** : keith

 **I have a knife** : fuck you shiro

 **Spacedad** : dear brother what is the code

 **I have a knife** : shiro is gay for matt

 **Doormatt** : jkdsm

 **Spacedad** : ding dong you're wrong

 **Doormatt** : no he’s right

 **Spacedad** : wat

 **Doormatt** : like that was the code

 **Doormatt** : the safe is empty but still

 **Yourhigness** : amazing

 **Sharpshooter** : keith you fucking savage

 **sharpshooter** : round of applesauce

 **Pidgeot** : i raised you well, now share

 **Darling** : sharing is caring

 **Yourhighness** : keith is my favorite child??

 **I have a knife:** *bows* Also, No.

 **I have a knife** : im saving them for hell

 **hunky** : oh we're going to school tomorrow

 **Pidgeot** : *chuckles* i am in danger

 **Sharpshooter** : hi yeah can i order a big fuck me and the anwsers for tomorrows test, yes thank you

 **Hunky** : i told you to study

 **I have a knife:** i want to Die

 **Sharpshooter** : i am studying but its not fucking sticking i dont get anything why am i so fucking stupid

 **yourhighness** : now hey we talked about this

 **Hunky** : buddy your not stupid we’ve been over this

 **Sharpshooter** : yeah i know i just /cant/

 **Sharpshooter** : haggars classes are going to kill me

 **Pidgeot** : yall i fucking Hate haggar

 **Hunky** : i hear she was nice once

 **Doormatt** : ha ha no.

 **Spacedad** : haha good times

 **Yourhigness** : well i suppose she wasn't always this bad, but she certainly wasnt very pleasant to begin with

 **Doormatt** : v obsessed

 **Spacedad** : v intense

 **Sharpshooter** : a power couple

 **Doormatt** : this is biphobia

 **Sharpshooter** : im bi??

 **Doormatt** : The FUcKinG slAnDeR

 **Pidgeot** : i got cancer reading that

 **Doormatt** : yes im gonna be an only child again

 **Pidgeot** : ┌П┐(▀̿Ĺ̯▀̿ ̿)

 **Doormatt** : ┬┴┬┴┤╭∩╮( ▀̿ Ĺ̯ ▀̿├┬┴┬

 **Pidgeot** : ┬━┬ノ(▀̿̿Ĺ̯̿̿▀̿ ̿ノ)

 **Doormatt** : ┬┴┬┴┤ᕦ( ▀̿ Ĺ̯ ▀̿├┬┴┬

 **Pidgeot** : ̿'̿'\̵͇̿̿\з=( ͠° ͟ʖ ͡°)=ε/̵͇̿̿/'̿̿ ̿ ̿ ̿ ̿ ̿

 **Doormatt** : i concede

 **Pidgeot** : yes i am once more the superior holt

 **Doormatt** : all i do is breath

 

**16.08**

 

 **Pidgeot** : real talk though i need to know what happened yesterday

 **Hunky** : oh yeah that happened

 **Doormatt** : oh yeah he wanted some juicy mcclain booty

 **Sharpshooter** : keep my name out of your foul mouth

 **Spacedad** : matthew holt

 **Sharpshooter** : i he pullin out the name

 **Doormatt** : did yall know lances real name is alejandro

 **Sharpshooter** : hnsihbkfcvfvfdcdvfc

 **Sharpshooter** : THAT WAS SAID IN CONFIDENTIALITY

 **yourhighness** : Exposed

 **Pidgeot** : ALEJANDRO OMG GAGA YEEESSS

 **hunky** : LANCE WHY DID I NOT KNOW THIS WTF

 **I have a knife:** kasjdckjmcsdidenhjde what

 **Yourhighness** : yes i no longer carry this burden alone

 **Spacedad** : you broke keith jksdn

 **Sharpshooter** : im so humiliated

 **darling** : if you think im not gonna play lady gaga next time i see you you are very wrong

 **hunky** : SHAY

 **Darling** : WHAT IF THE TURN TABLES HE TOTALLY WOULD

 **Sharpshooter** : you got me there

 **Pidgeot** : uhm okay but back to WHAT I WANTED TO KNOW

 **Darling** : Spill

 **Yourhighness** : The Tea

 **Sharpshooter** : k not really a lot happened

 **Doormatt** : lolol lance he wanted to smash

 **Spacedad** : but lotor was pretty wasted so

 **Doormatt** : omg he almost fought shiro when he picked us up

 **Sharpshooter** : oh ya, sorry haha

 **Spacedad** : its fine

 **Yourhighness** : like lotor would actually start something with /shiro/

 **Doormatt** : he would literally die

 **Pidgeot** : please

 **Pidgeot** : BUT BACK TO THE STORY

 **Sharpshooter** : lol he wanted a piece of this and no

 **Sharpshooter** : i would never

 **Yourhigness** : wow

 

**18.06**

 

 **Pidgeot** : so me n matt are stealing food from the broganes cause matt burned ours

 **Pidgeot** : and

**Pidgeot sent a voice recording [ josh keaton(shiro) singing despacito]**

**Sharpshooter:** shiro speaks spanish???

 **Pidgeot:** besides this several things are going down

 **Pidgeot** : matt is being gay

 **Pidgeot** : acxa n keith are having a spatula duel and the brogane parents + krolia looks very done

 **Hunky** : krolia is home?

 **Yourhighness** : how did i not know that shiro can sing

 **Yourhighness:** and be sure to to say hi to her for me! I miss her

 **I have a knife:** shiro toke spanish in HS and can only sing despacito what a fucking loser

 **I have a knife:** ya she’s home for the weekend and she says Hi

 **Spacedad** : keith i will fight you, right here, right now

 **I have a knife:** are you prepared to lose, right here, right now

 **Sharpshooter** : slay dat hoe, be victorious, CONQUER

 **I have a knife** : very inspiring 10/10

 **Spacedad** : lance,,, turning against me

 **Yourhigness** : it is a time of revelations

 **Darling** : omg our wine aunt

 **Spacedad** : you should all come over and say hello

 **Spacedad** : she misses you all

 **Darling** : just say yall you heathen

 **Spacedad** : all this betrayal, i could can it and sell it at tesco

 **Pidgeot** : takashi shirodoneTM

 

**Spacedad left the coalition**

 

 **Pidgeot** : an evil has been defeated

 

**Doormatt added spacedad**

 

 **Yourhighness** : god fucking damn it

 **pidgeot** : for fucks sake

 **Spacedad** : matt, my only true ally in this world

 **Doormatt** : thats gay

 **Spacedad** : there is nothing straight about this chat

 **doormatt** : or us for that matter

 **I have a knife** : so there’s a fucking /us/ now

 **Pidgeot** : so there’s an /us/ now

 **Doormatt** : well,,

 **Spacedad** : yes bitch there is

 


	8. Gingers Are Vampires: The Story of How A Group of Bitter Vegetables Stole My Blood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pidgeot: You Know What I Fucking Hate This Family.

**The Coalition**

 

**18.26**

 

**Yourhighness** : oh thank god i was getting tired of looking at your sexless faces

**Sharpshooter** : *cries in spanish* they grow up so fast and i just wanna say im really proud of you matty

**Pidgeot** : WHY WAS I NOT INFORMED OF THIS

**I have a knife:** shiro i will fight you u fucking bithc

**Hunky** : omg!! Congratulations!!!!

**Darling** : omg finally im so happy for you guys!!!

**Sharpshooter** :AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA MY BUDDY IS GROWING UP MATTHEW GET THAT ASSSSSS

**Doormatt** : jfc shiro waht

**Spacedad** : i was

**Spacedad** : joking

**Yourhighness** : /Excuse Me./

**Doormatt** : yeah ha

**Spacedad** : i was just messing with you

**Doormatt** : ha yeah soo

 

**[crickets]**

 

**Spacedad** : unless

**Spacedad** : you know

**Spacedad** : youd want to?

**Spacedad** : youknow go out

**Spacedad** : with me?

**Doormatt** : yeah i yeaah

**Doormatt** : yes

**Doormatt** : yeah

**Spacedad** : nice

**Spacedad** : great

**Doormatt** : good

**I have a knife** : jfc

**Pidgeot** : krolia just asked if matt was okay

**I have a knife:** even im not that bad

**Darling** : im sorrry are yall just sitting on your phones in the middle of a meal??

**Pidgeot:**  THERE ARE NO RULES IN OUR KITCHEN I WOULD DIE

**Sharpshooter** : lololol that wouldn't happen in my house

**Darling** : *gets war flashbacks*

**Sharpshooter** : #slipperlife

**Darling** : #slipperlife

**pidgeot:**  #slipperlife

**Hunky** : glad my moms dont do that

**Sharpshooter** : well she dont any more, not since ya know

**Hunky** : oh

**Darling** : yeah my mom doesn't either, only to threaten

**Darling** : we know better now

**Darling** : puerto rican eyyyy

**Sharpshooter** : cuban eyyyy

**pidgeot** : Italian eyyyyy

**pidgeot:** matt is also eyyyying

**Hunky** : i would like to add that shay just said that omiously outloud and my moms are confused

**Sharpshooter** : lol same

**Yourhighness** : fovdkjnkjlnc pidgecjhds

 

**Yourhighness changed the chat name to TRULY A TIME FOR REVELATIONS**

 

**Spacedad** : so i just read up and i have Questions

**Spacedad** : 1) keith you fucking bitch you have no right to talk 2) it is disrespectful to be on your phone but we were only cooking so its fine 3) lance, shay, pidge, are you okay??? 4)

**Darling** : oh ya totally, funny enough they dont care if you are on your phone at the cafe, we just cant be on it when there is customers

**Doormatt** : i sometiems forget you parents are my boss

**Sharpshooter** : lol same

**I have a knife:** i have every right to fucking to talk fuck you

**Doormatt** : who is the lucky guy

**sharpshooter** : keith

**Yourhighness** : keith

**Pidgeot** : yall who the fuck is dating keith now i want ANSWERS

**Darling** : in this christian server??

**Sharpshooter** : hi welcome to chillies

**Spacedad** : keith i will destroy you

**I have a knife** : imma bad bitch you cant kill me

**I have a knife** : gtg sodfunmlkmvkmldffvdf

**Doormatt** : who

**Sharpshooter** : keith

**Pidgeot** : keith just ran out the door

**Pidgeot** : krolia just sippin wine like her child isnt about to be killed by his older grizzled cousin

**Pidgeot** : shiros parents look so resigned wow

**Doormatt** : this is pretty cool but now i want the Tea

**darling** : is it hot

**Pidgeot** : scalding

**Pidgeot** : so spill it

**Yourhighness** : i have come to spill the Tea

**darling** : karma camomille

**Pidgeot** : is it you allura

**Yourhighness** : it is I

**Yourhighness** : wait what did i do

**Spacedad** : i lost keith

**Spacedad** : jfc he is fast

  


**Keefer → lancer**

 

**Keefer** : Should we tell the

**Lancer** : if we are going out then we are going out in style

**Keefer** : are you

**Lancer** : yes

**Keefer** : got you

  


**TRULY A TIME FOR REVELATIONS**

 

**I have a knife** : im just gonna text from a safe distance

**Pidgeot** : keith we are having dinner come home

**I have a knife:** oh k 2 sec

 

**21.39**

 

**Pidgeot** : im gonna make him an offer he cant refuse

**Pidgeot** : i will murder someone if i dont find out what the fuck is going on

**Yourhighness** : you want full status report?

**Pidgeot** : yes.

**Yourhighness** : k

**Yourhighness** : matt n shiro are a thing

**Yourhighness** : im still single but ready to mingle

**Yourhighness** : hunay is cute as ever

**Yourhighness** : and keith is.. Dead???

**I have a knife:** no im very much alive still shiro is to weak he could never hurt me

**Spacedad** : EXCuse ME

**Pidgeot** : keith im99% sure imnot wrong but its gonna be akward if i am any im sorry

**Darling** : what she is trying to say is are you and lance shacking

**Sharpshooter** : we are partners.

**I have a knife:** are we dating?

**Sharpshooter** : are we robbing a bank?

**I have a knife:** do we run a legal firm?

**Sharpshooter** : are we the dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious felonies and are members of an elite squad known as the special victims unit?

**I have a knife:**  Who knows.

**Pidgeot** : You Know What I Fucking Hate This Family.


	9. I’m running on spite and fury

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tide Podge: I feel like I’m forgetting something very important here
> 
> Hunky: did you leave the stove on?
> 
> Tide Podge: HEY WAIT A MINUTE
> 
> Hunky: WELL DID YOU LEAVE THE STOVE ON?
> 
> Tide Podge: THOSE FUCKERS
> 
> hunky: DID SOMEONE ELSE LEAVE THE STOVE ON????
> 
> tide Podge: NO hUnk
> 
> Hunky: OHhjhj
> 
> Hunky: omg

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Sweats nervously*
> 
> Take it y’all I’m sorry
> 
> Blease leave a kudos if this made your nose exhale and leave a comment if your lipped twitched
> 
> Come scream at me in tumblr for abandoning this shit for MONTHS @excusemesirthatsmyseat

**TRULY A TIME FOR REVELATIONS**

 

 **Pidgeot:** I wanna die

 **Doormatt** : why dear sibling do thy wish tho death

 **Yourhighnesses** : so many things were wrong with that

 **Doormatt** : all I do is breath

 **Spacedad** : actually-

 **Doormatt** : :0

 **Pidgeot** : can yall SHUT THE FUCK UP

 **Spacedad** : :0

 **Yourhighness** : :0

 **Doormatt** : :0

 **Darling** : y’all dafsfag

 **Pidgeot** : i hate this fucking family

 **Hunky** : what’s wrong buddy

 **Pidgeot** : Haggar is subbing for hira because she sick

 **sharpshooter:** I AM DONE I AM TIRED

 **Pidgeot** : AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

 **Darling** : I hate that class already how do you expect survive it now

 

**Doormatt changed I have a knife name to keef**

 

 **Keef** : why was that necessary

 **Doormatt** : you were lurking

 **Spacedad** : it was a tactic to get you to join the conversation

 **Darling** : the author was lazy

 **Keef** : what conversation everybody is literally just screaming

 **Doormatt** : well that was rude

 **Hunky** : she’ll be right

 **Hunky** : guys it fine it’s just for today anyway

 **Pidgeot** : :))

 **Hunky** : right Pidge

 **Yourhighness** : oh dear.

 **Yourhighness** : worry not my children, Coran is trying to get her fired

 **Sharpshooter** : CORAN CORAN THE GORGEOUS MAN

 **sharpshooter** : wait how?

 **Sharpshooter** : oHh

 **Yourhighness** : >:))

 **Hunky** : ?

 **Darling** : care to elaborate

 **Pidgeon** : um

 **Sharpshooter** : Coran is on the school board

 **Yourhighness** : several students have made complaints

 **Hunky** : ohhhhh

 **Spacedad** : get to class you heathens

 **Pidgeon** : wait

 **Pidgeon** : hsiabbsa she gonna take my phone bye

 **Darling** : rest in penises tide Podge

 **Doormat** : jdknbdk

**Doormat changed pidgeot name to Tide Podge**

**Hunky** : we are in Thaces class and he doesn't Care

 **Spacedad** : all of you?

 **Hunky** : well no not Keith

 **Hunky** : but Shay, Lance and me

 **Hunky** : Keith isn't in out class but we share lunchwave with him

 **Keef** : i might ask to change i hate this class

 **Spacedad** : aren't you in class with axca and The others

 **Keef** : i look at her face all The time at home

 **Spacedad** : you guys literally never see each other

 **Keef** : we shared the womb I think we’ll live not sharing a class

 **Spacedad:** I give up.

 **Keef** : go suck a dick

 **Doormatt** : oof

 **Spacedad** : all I do is breath

 **Tide** **Podge** : jondbcISO STOP

 **Darling** : you people are heathens

 **Darling** : also rax texted to tell you to get off your phone when u r at work

 **Doormatt** : THERE IS NO ONE HERE

 **Darling** : go back to work

 **Doormatt** : where is my child he would never stand for my name being slandered like this

 **Darling** : lance is being a good egg and participating in class like hunk and I are now about to do

 **Tide** **Podge** : lance listening in class and being a good student? More likely than you think

 **Spacedad** : back to class Pidge

 

[some time later]

 

 **Sharpshooter** : Pidge i think that was the sweetest thing u’ve ever said about me

 **Tide** **Podge** : don’t get used to it

 **Tide** **Podge** : I’ll be back to my lance roasting self any time now

 **Sharpshooter** : Dw nobody could hate me more than I hate myself

 **Doormatt** : moof

 **Keef** : lance NO

 **Hunky** : oKay lance No

 **Yourhighness** : Lance are you okay

 **Sharpshooter** : fresh as a horse

 **Spacedad** : that’s not-

 **Sharpshooter** : shhhush u r 6 years old What do U know

 **Spacedad** : What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I'm the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, kiddo.

 **Doormatt** : the worst part about this is that it could all be true

 **Tide** **Podge** : hsknbcjsmz SHITO

**darling changed spacedad name to SHITO**

**Sharpshooter** : STOP IT EISJBDNS

 **keef** : do you have that on your clipboard at all times you fucking nerd

 **SHITO** : do you want to fucking fight kid I will destroy you

 **Keef** : bring it old man

 **Darling** : FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT

 **Tide** **Podge** : FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT

 **Hunky** : Okay nO

 **Doormatt** : Blease dont stab my husband I love him

 **Tide** **Podge** : Blease don’t ever fucking say that again

 **Hunky** : ITS TIME TO STOP

 **sharpshooter** : Cursed, hunk is yelling.

 **Tide** **Podge** : and you are using proper grammar

 **Sharpshooter** : the world is truly on fire

 **Doormatt** : WHEN IT FEELSS LIKE THE WORLDS GONE MAADD

 **tide** **Podge** : AND THERES NOTHING YOU CAN ABOUT ITT

 **Doormatt** : NO THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT

 **Darling** : heathens

 **Yourhighness** : Coran says he misses you, lance.

 **Doormatt** : I alway imagine Allura pronouncing it lonce

 **Yourhighness** : do not invoke the wrath of a British I will destroy you

 **Sharpshooter** : CURED

 **sharpshooter** : I love that man

 **Hunky** : I’m so confused

 **Hunky** : what does he even do?

 **Hunky** : he is like the crazy rich uncle but no one knows what he even does

 **Yourhighness** : :)

 **Yourhighness** : I'm legally not allowed to disclose that.

 **Sharpshooter** : Im legally not allowed to disclose that

 **Tide Podge** : sounds ominous I’m in

 **Doormatt** : that’s sounds vaguely like he is working for the men in Black

 **Keef** : ALIENS ARE REAL

 **tide** **Podge** : AND THEY ARE OUT THERE

 **keef** : CORAN IS HIDING THE ALIENS

 **yourhigness** : oh dear.

 **SHITO** : deep sigh of course he shows up for the aliens

 **Keef** : yeah hello? That was the courthouse and they deemed your opinion not valid

 **Keef** : so fuck you but have a nice day

 **SHITO** : the nerve-

 **Sharpshooter** : get em

 

[ some time later]

 

 **Tide Podge:** I feel like I’m forgetting something very important here

 **Hunky** : did you leave the stove on?

 **Tide** **Podge** : HEY WAIT A MINUTE

 **Hunky** : WELL DID YOU LEAVE THE STOVE ON?

 **Tide** **Podge** : THOSE FUCKERS

 **hunky** : DID SOMEONE ELSE LEAVE THE STOVE ON????

 **tide** **Podge** : NO hUnk

 **Hunky** : OHhjhj

 **Hunky** : omg

  


**Hunkadunk→** **pidgepodge**

 

**PidgePodge changed their name to yzma**

**yzma changed hunkadunk name to kronk**

 

 **Kronk** : how do we handle this?

 **Yzma** : with violence


	10. Talk to me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We have some soft klance, some Holt bonding(I tried anyway), some standard shenanigans

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m trying to incorporate some of the newer characters we saw in s7, don’t know how that is going to work out but we’ll see.
> 
> Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoy!!!
> 
> Please leave kudos and comment if you are truly feeling frisky!

**Kronk** **→ yzma (Hunk and Pidge)**

 

**Kronk** : kinda forgot that happened tbh

**Kronk** : but I will scold lance very sternly for not telling me

**Kronk** : and then I’m going to bake him cookies

**Yzma** : the slander I thought u were on my side

**Yzma** : I will beat them up myself

**Kronk** : Pidge that’s not very nice

**Yzma** : I’m literally gonna be one of the only single people in our squadron 

**Kronk** : cyclone

**Yzma** : splash

**Kronk** : have u finished this season yet?

**Yzma** : no I have been working on rover

**Kronk** : he can be your s/o

**Yzma** : no he is my child

**Kronk** : well okay then

**Yzma** : gtg I have to walk bae bae

**Kronk** : take care don’t get murdered

**Yzma** : I’ll try 

**Kronk** : go easy on them

  
  


**Keefer → lancer**

 

**Keefer** : are you okay

**Lancer** : yeah I’m doing great

**Keefer** : I know you well enough to know that you are lying

**Lancer** : yeah ig 

**Keefer** : you don’t /have/ to talk about it but I would love to listen

**Lancer** : i hate that you are so good

**Keefer** : I’m your to be boyfriend I literally signed up for this

**Lancer** : not everyone is like you

**Keefer** : I would hope not

**Lancer** : no like

**Lancer** : no one really listens

**Lancer** : not like you

**Lancer** : youre just so good and 

**Lancer** : i dont deserve it

**Keefer** : lance

**Lancer** : i dont deserve you

**Keefer** : lance stop

**Lancer** : everybody knows it’s true

**Keefer** : well they are all fucking wrong

**Keefer** : And everyone who’s ever said that can fucking fight me

**Keefer** : lance please don’t do this to yourself

**Lancer** : I’m just 

**Keefer** : Do you need me to come over

**Lancer** : no it’s fine I don’t wanna bother you

**Keefer** : you are never a bother

**Lancer** : okay

**Lancer** : can we be at your place i do t really want to be home right now

**Keefer** : I’ll meet you on the way

  
  


**Shirt → Fuckos**

 

**Shirt:** who’s shoes are downstairs 

**Shirt** : did you buy new shoes?

**Axe** : idk what kinda shoes

**Shirt** : yellow checkered vans slip ons

**Shirt sent a picture**

**Axe:** oh they dope

**Axe** : they arent ours

**Shirt** : ours?

**Axe** : ez is here and her shoes are up here

**Shirt** : is Keith home?

**Axe** : idk maybe 

**Shirt** : check on him

**Axe** : no

**Shirt** : why

**Axe** : no

**Shirt** : WHy

**Axe** : bitch because I don’t want to

**Shirt** : this fucking family

**Shirt** : fucking ungrateful 

**Axe** : watch out

**Shirt** : or else

**Axe** : imma call mom and tell her

**Shirt** : please no

**Axe** : have fun doing the dishes

**Axe** : ALL week

**Shirt** : I fucking hate you

**Shirt** : you belong in the deepest layer of hell

**Axe** : you keep talking but i don't hear any dishes being cleaned

**Shirt** : smh

  
  


**Gremlin → Ginger beanstring**

 

**Gremlin changed ginger beanstring name to sauce**

**Sauce:** wHY

**Gremlin** : your brain would explode if i told you

**Sauce** : Im Literally going to work for nasa what is ure de@l

**Gremlin** : L

**Gremlin** : anywho how is your love life

**Sauce** : what do u mean love life

**Gremlin** : your DAte with takashit shirogayne

**Sauce** : it was a date

**Gremlin** : WELL HOW WAS IT

**sauce** : awsomesaucesome

**Gremlin** : STOPH

**sauce** : well, it was fine

**Sauce** we had fun but I don’t think he is into me

**Sauce** : so

**Gremlin** : I will strangle someone

**Sauce** : that’s not nice Pidge

**Gremlin** : well

**Gremlin** : I’m not nice

**Sauce** : that’s a lie

**Sauce** : u are SOFT

**Gremlin** : smh I can’t be bothered

**Gremlin** : don't tell, anyone or else my reputation will be ruined 

**Sauce** : u want pizza

**Sauce** : I’m supposed to make dinner bc mom and dad arent here but I can’t be bothered

**Gremlin** : please

**Sauce** : Blease

**Sauce** : Btw I was supposed to say hi from Adam

**Gremlin** : lmao when

**Sauce** : like last week I just forgot

**Gremlin** : lol how is he 

**Sauce** : he’s good

**Sauce** : moving here soon

**Gremlin** : OMG

**Sauce** : so yeah

**Gremlin** :I know what your gay ass is thinking

**Sauce** : I didn’t say anything

**Gremlin** : you didn’t have to

**Sauce** : I almost can’t be bothered to deal with it

**Gremlin** : well you literally have had a crush on everyone

**Gremlin** : you are attracted to everyone with muscles because you have none

**Sauce** : HEY I HAVE BEEN FILLING OUT STOP THIS SLANDER

**sauce** : I just have a high at attraction ratio to people who could potentially bench me

**Sauce** : like Shiro,,  or Adam

**Gremlin** : I

**Gremlin** : what about your 2 day crush on Allura

**Sauce** : well she could bench me so

**Gremlin** : tbh she could

**Gremlin** : but you like Shiro

**Gremlin** : and Adam

**Sauce** : idk man

**Sauce** : my crushes usually go away over time but not now ig

**Sauce** : but ig my crush on Adam is older and not really a recent thing and Shiro,,, idk he’s just good

**Sauce** : I might love them tbh

**Gremlin** : ew love

**Sauce** : yeah same tbh

**Sauce** : anyway your pizza is here

**Gremlin** : thanks I’m coming down now

**Gremlin** : and hey if one of them dosent like you back they are stupid and missing out because you are the best string bean I know

**Gremlin sent 27 pictures**

**Sauce** : aww thanks Pidgeon

**Gremlin** : damn I thought the memes would flush it out

**Sauce** : SOFT

**gremlin** : fuc u

**Gremlin** : wanna watch Harry Potter

**Sauce** : always

  
  


**TRULY A TIME FOR REVELATIONS**

 

**SHITO changed their name to Shiro**

**Shiro changed the group name to who has yellow checkered slip on vans?**

**Darling** : um

**Hunky** : you weren’t subtle

**Shiro** : well I really wanna know

**Darling** : isn’t it Keith

**Shiro** : no his are red or smth and he is not even home

**Hunky** : where is he?

**Darling** : maybe it’s axca or her gf

**Yourhighness** : why do you ask

**Shiro** : they are in the hallway

**Shiro:** and tbh idk he isn’t answering his phone so he might just be sleeping

**Yourhighness** : Shouldn’t you be more worried about this, someone is in your house?

**Shiro** : I’m here for a good time not for a long time

**Doormatt** : Shiro turned into lance overnight

**Tide podge changed their name to pidgeot**

**Pidgeot** : don’t tell him his ego will explode

**Hunky** : guys

**Pidgeot** : he might get to big for his head

**Hunky** : Pidge stop it

**Hunky** : Alligators in Norway

**Pidgeot** : shit

**Yourhighness** : alright back to the shoes

**Doormatt** : did Keith make a new friend?

**Doormatt** : @keef who is your new boyfriend

**Pidgeot** : lmao what do you mean “who”

**Hunky** : wait you think?

**Darling** : well he isn’t here is he

**Pidgeot** : lance get new shoes?

**Doormatt** : oH

**Yourhighness** : i haven’t received any pictures or a haul but it could be plausible

**Shiro sent a picture**

**Shiro** : well I guess lance got new shoes

**Pidgeot** : well look who was fucking right once again

**Pidgeot** : I KNEW IT

**Darling** : that is adorable

**Hunky** : aww

**Darling** : hunk come over I want cuddles

**Hunky** : omw

**Doormatt** : BRO OMG YES CONGRATULATIONS

**Doormatt** : Shiro are you okay

**Shiro** : I honest to god thought they were kidding wtf

**Pidgeot** : he’s in shock 

**Shiro** : yeabxjs kinda

**Doormatt** : omg that is an ho est to god keysmash

**Pidgeot** : my blackmail folder is growing by the minute

**Shiro** : I’m just really confused how did I not notice

**Pidgeot** : he is losing it

**Shiro** : I need a nap, bye sis.

**Doormatt** : xhslznbswns

**Darling** : vsvwhdbssss

**Yourhighness** : now I would really like a girlfriend so I could snuggle her

**Yourhighness** : OH my god a really cute girl followed me on insta today I DIED

**darling** : you have like 500000 followers what is new honey

**Yourhighness** : SHE IS CUTE THATS WHATS UP

**pidgeot** : oh she yelling

**Doormatt** : oh she yelling

**Pidgeot** : but are you insinuating that no cute girls have followed you before now????

**Darling** : :000

**Doormatt** : oh worm

**Yourhighness** : god no but this one takes the cake I love her

**Yourhighness** : she is from skandinavien but lives over here

**Darling** : she probs love you too

**Yourhighness** : AND she is a YouTuber!

**Yourhighness** : like me! 

**Darling** : you could use a collab as an excuse to meet her

**Yourhighness** : already did:)

**Pidgeot** : The devil works fast but allura works faster

**Darling** : damn gurl

**Darling** : good luck!

**Pidgeot** : break a leg

**Hunky** : good luck

**Doormatt** : remember to use protection kids!

**Shiro** : don’t die please I’m not ready to be a single father

**Youhighness** : :0


	11. I feel Satan in this chilis tonight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I don’t know what this is

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You get this, this is my offering for the void. Enjoy.  
> So truth be told i do t know what thi S is it is short and shit but it is my shit so it’s okay. 
> 
> WE ARE ALMOST AT A 1000 HITS YOU GUYS ARE AMAZING DHCBJKNSBDHEJNNCBDJMMMSMSNSNS AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA   
> love you guys so much!

**Who has yellow checkered slip on vans?**

 

**Sharpshooter** : okay,,,, 1) I do, Shiro stop interrogating everyone and yes they are new 

**Sharpshooter** : 2) that is a very cute photo

**Sharpshooter** : 3) I slept for a whole ass day and nobody fucking woke me up

**Sharpshooter** : 4) when is the wedding allura?

**Sharpshooter** : y’all are going to hell

**Shiro** : language

**Sharpshooter** : suck my ass

**Shiro** : jfc

**Yourhighness** : that’s a bit harsh don’t you think? And I’m planning a spring wedding

**Yourhighness** : you are flower boy, and I’ll “unknowingly” throw the bouquet in you direction

**Sharpshooter** : bet

**Sharpshooter** : IM SOrry I’ve been thrown of my game I have t slept this long since I was 11and s/omeone/ DIDNT wake US

**Yourhighness** : The worst part of this is that it’s true.

**Hunky** : Buddy,

**Keef** : hes like a sleepy baby

**Darling** : a drunk texting baby

Keef sent a photo

**Doormatt** : how do you breathe like that

**Hunky** : buddy you look rough

**Keef** : hes not that heavy

**Sharpshooter** : fuck y’all if if you think you got me I’m a white piece of trash and I say it proudly

**Darling** : lance you are Cuban

**Doormatt** : you know he is truly tired when he starts quoting Eminem 

**Hunky** : :0

**Keef** : he is pouting now

**Keef** : and giving me a death stare

**Keef** : he has a permanent bed head at this point

**Keef** : it’s like sticking up n shit shit he’scute

**Keef** : he is wearing my sweater and it’s too big for him he is so Cute

**Sharpshooter** : keeeeeeeiiith

**Keef** : and now he’s blushing

**Keef sent a photo**

**Darling** : I’m sorry am I the only one ducking g seeing this

**Pidgeot** : oh. My. God,,

**Hunky** : I’m what 

**Doormatt** : keith on some shit

**Shiro** : keith did you smoke

**Keef** : narh 

**Keef** : we just high on sleep

**Yourhighness** : THIS IS ADORABLEBDNEMMSMW

**yourhighness** : I’m sorry that was,,,

**Yourhighness** : yeah okay I can out myself and say that have been aware of this for some time

**Pidgeot** : betrayal you are dead to me.

**Yourhighness** : ez was too tbh

**Pidgeot** : mmmgrrrrrr

**Doormatt** : in what universe iskeith the one flirting with lance

**Keef** : excuse you

**Shiro** : this one apparently

**Hunky** : I did t know Keith could do that 

**Darling** : I had a feeling tbh

**Hunky** : ?

**Darling** : I knew lance was weak

**Sharpshooter** : :0

**Darling** : a true bi wouldn’t fall so easily

**Pidgeot** : and Keith, a level 50 gay, would slay all 

**Keef** : *tips hat*

**Keef** : *mullet*

**Keef** : dj#dndmlaz

**Sharpshooter** : I’m going tokill fini. Ml don’t

**Keef** : dhksjmsssz

**Sharpshooter** : lance locked himself in the bathroom with my phone

**Keef** : FUCK YOU KEIHT

**Sharpshooter** : I will reign supreme

**Keef** : I’ma bad Bitch you can’t kill /me/

**Sharpshooter** : well let’s all see how bad bitches DIE

 

[Approximately 20 minutes later]

 

**Darling** : .., so did they die or?

**Pidgeot** : I can’t believe all that actually happend

 

**Hunky changed the chat name to The 7th Circle Of Hell**

 

**Shiro** : idk tbh I heard a scream and then nothing

**Yourhighness** : and you didn’t check???

**Shiro** : lol no

**Doormatt** : “lol no” - Takashi shirogane, 2018

**Yourhighness** : famous last words

**Yourhighness** : I will kill you If My favorite was harmed

**Darling** : damn Shiro just got cancelled 

**Shiro** : they are probably fine

**Shiro** : I can’t tell if they have slept to much or to little 

**Doormatt** : idk I would have to see lance irl to determine this fact

**Shiro** : hold on I’ll check on them 

**Shiro sent a photo**

**Pidgeot** : are they seriously in the tub

**Shiro** : *long sigh* yep

**Doormatt** : It looks like one of those cursed Polaroids

**Doormatt** : glowing eyes and all

**Pidgeot** : KLANCE CONFIRMED AS DEMON

**darling** : Turns out what Katie was hunting was much closer than previously  **thought** . 

**Darling** : THE AWAKENING

**hunky** : coming to a theatre near you 2019

**Pidgeot** : bcks@mam

**Doormatt** : would watch 12/10

**Yourhighness** : …

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Blease leave kodus and comments it feeds my soul, waters my plants and keeps my cogs running. Thanks for all the support!!!!


	12. Blease Be bee Where Is The Bee

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We get some Soft stuff, some bangers, sumtin a little sumtin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WE REACHED A 1000 HITS IM DEAD DECEASED POST MORTEM 
> 
> thank you so much for all the support you have no idea how happy it makes me! 
> 
> Thanks to hootnoot for being lovely

**The 7th Circle Of Hell**

 

**Doormatt** : i just realized Lance and Keith now have matching shoes

**Hunky** : go to sleep

**Doormatt** : no but

**Sharpshooter** : I got them so we could match

**Sharpshooter** : and I needed new shoes so

**Doormatt** : Wait I have them in dark green

**Sharpshooter** : eyyyyyy

**Doormatt** : eyyyyy

**Hunky** : it’s like 2 am why are you not asleep

**Darling** : wait allura i thought i was The favorite

**Pidgeot** : :0

**Yourhighness** : *sweats nervously*

**Pidgeot** : answer the question allura

**Darling** : yeah allura, answer the question

**Yourhighness** : *sweat pours down my face*

**Shiro** : GO TO SLEEP

**Shiro** : ALL OF YOU

**Doormatt** : zzzZZZzzz can’t hear you to busy snoozing zzZzzZZzz 

**Pidgeot** : :0

  
  


**noodle → Sunshine**

 

**Noodle** : so you are probably asleep now but like, that’s prolly for the best

**Noodle** : I juster wanna apologise that I haven’t told you about keith

**Noodle** : you are seriously my best friend and i don’t deserve your friendship but

**Noodle** : I wasn’t ready ig to tell everyone, or anyone for that matter

**Noodle** : I haven’t been doing super well lately but ig you know that

**Noodle** : keith has been really helping me 

**Noodle** : I just hepdbehi idk I think I love him

**Noodle** : and I don’t want to burden anyone with my problems so

**Noodle** : ig that’s why I never really told u the full story, I know u have your own shit

**Noodle** : and like Keith has too ig but he has been trying to get through my thick skull that it’s okay to tell people about your problems and that I’m not a burden

**Noodle** : he got me to do therapy again

**Noodle** : and hes just really been there

**Noodle** : even when I didn’t want him to be

**Noodle** : so

**Noodle** : I just wanna say I love buddy my broulmate

**Noodle** : we need to hang soon

**Noodle** : so goodnight to the most beautiful bro in the world

**Noodle** : I love you

  
  


**Sunshine → noodle**

 

**Sunshine** : I love you so much buddy

**Sunshine** : and I’m really glad that you are doing better

**Sunshine** : and I’m just happy that you have at least been talking to someone

**Sunshine** : keith is good guy I’m just happy you can be there for eachother

**Sunshine** : you are definitely not a burden and you are very loved

**Sunshine** : I know I don’t really know what actually happend back then but you can always talk to me you know that 

**Sunshine** : and we totally need brotime

**Sunshine** : I love you bro

**Noodle** : I love you hunketh

**Sunshine** : I want all the details how did this happen HOW did you meet Keith and how he heck did you make him your boyfriend

**Noodle:** hmmm would you look at the time I have to go

**Sunshine** : lance

**Noodle** : nnnn it’s too early to be asking these questions

**Sunshine** : COME BACK HERE

your message could not be received

**Sunshine** : LANCE YOU CANT RUN FROM ALL YOUR PROBLEMS

your message could not be received

  
  


**Lancer → Keefer**

 

**Lancer:** song rec Saturday

**Keefer** : is it even Saturday at this point

**Lancer** : Time is relative at this point

**Keefer** : alright

**Lancer** : ARE YOU READY FOR SOME BANGERS

**keefer** : HIt Me 

**Lancer** : no I’m not abusive

**Keefer** : lance

**Lancer** : oKay okay

**Lancer** : party pooper

**Lancer** : brother - Matt Corby

**Lancer** : recovery - James Arthur

**Lancer** : when the party’s over - Billie Eilish

**Lancer** : hostage - Billie Eilish

**Lancer** : eyes closed - Halsey

**Lancer** : closure - Vancouver sleep clinic

**Lancer** : guiding light - Mumford & sons

**Lancer** : okay literally anything by Mumford & sons

**Lancer** : venom - Eminem

**Lancer** : torn - Richard fairlie 

**Lancer** : oKay now I’m done

**Keefer** : I know some of these, they’re really good

**Lancer** : :D

**Keefer** : <3

**Lancer** : <333!

**Lancer** : i gotta work but ttyl

**Keefer** : okay see ya

  
  


**Gremlin → sauce**

 

**gremlin:** how is you dear Bröder

**Sauce:** managing

**Gremlin** : are thy at work

**Sauce:** yes

**Gremlin:** is lance at work

**Sauce:** yes why dear sib,ing 

**Gremlin** : get him to spill the dets 

**Sauce:** on it

**Gremlin** : thnaks

**Sauce** : thnaks

**Gremlin** : go sit on a dick

**Gremlin** : WAIT WHEN IS ADAM COMING HERE

**sauce** : ,,, idk tbh I can ask him if you wnat

**Gremlin** : yes thanks broder

**Gremlin** : and fuck you

**Sauce** : love you too ig

  
  


**Adam!** **→ M8**

 

**M8** : I have questions

**Adam!** : speak

**M8** : okay 

**M8** : when r u moving here

**Adam!:** mhmm like I’ll be there in like a week or so idk

**M8** : oh god

**Adam!** : wHY

**M8** : Pidge asked

**M8** : and I thought I would have longer time to prepare for your lovely self

**Adam!** : good to hear that you care about me

**Adam** !: and back of you don’t want none of this you little punk

**Adam!:** I will fight you

**M8:** and lose

**M8** : ya boi is filling out I will drag you through the dirt

**Adam** !: somehow I find that unlikely

**Adam** !: to me you will always be smol

**Adam** !: just how I like it;)

**Adam** !: besides we saw eachother a few month ago

**Adam** !: Not /that/ much can have changed

**M8** : :0 

**M8** : I’m going to ignore everything you just said in favour of DID YOU JUST CALL ME UGLY

**Adam** !: w h e r e ?

**M8** : miley what’s good

**Adam** !: I have to go now but I’ll catch you later

**Adam** !: stay rat Matt 

**M8** : stay rat he says

**M8** : :0

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Blease comment and kodus if you enjoyed any part of it what so ever, comments save my life a keeps me from the void
> 
> Next time one this hell show: someone gets arrested and then I’m not saying anything else
> 
> If there is something you guys would like to see hit me up and I’ll see what I can do


	13. So This Did Not Go According To The Plan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Princess → FavoriteCousin
> 
>  
> 
> Princess: Lance Where are you??
> 
> 5 missed Call from Princess

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Deep sigh
> 
> So this did not go where I wanted it to cbejsndjes  
> It’s slightly more angst then I would have wanted it to be but probably also more realistic 
> 
> And hey this way we get a minor plot so yay for that
> 
> Anyway enjoy!

**The 7th Circle Of Hell**

 

**Pidgeot** : where is everyone it’s Sunday noon

**Hunky** : me and shay are studying

**Pidgeot** : ha 

**Pidgeot** : I ain’t got no homework

**Darling** : *airhorn noise* get fucked

**Keef** : I hate that class I’m not even gonna fucking do it

**Hunky** : I’ll send it

**Hunky send (5) documents**

**Keef** : you are literally a saint

  
  


**Odom → Kotoo**

 

**Odom:** I’m coming to get Matt and,, lance??

**Kotoo** : I’m sorry what

**Kotoo** : ADAM WHAT

  
  


**The 7th Circle Of Hell**

 

**Pidgeot** : so I just received some very confusing messages 

**Pidgeot sent a photo**

**Pidgeot** : GUYS 

  
  


**Keefer → lancer**

 

**Keefer** : did you do the homework for tomorrow bby 

  
  


**Keefer → lancer**

 

**Keefer** : lance?

  
  


**Gremlin → sauce**

 

**Gremlin** : Matt where are you

**Gremlin** : please what the fuck are you doing

**Gremlin** : wHY is Adam coming

**Gremlin** : are you okay?

**Gremlin** : I’m hacking your phone sorry

**Gremlin** : and it’s not on great

  
  


**The 7th Circle Of Hell**

 

**Pidgeot** : wHY is no ANSWERING THEIR FUCKING PHONES WHTA THE HELL IS GOING ON

**Hunky** : I’m sORRY WE FELL ASLEEP

**Hunky** : wHAT IS GOING ON

**Hunky** : who is Adam

**Darling** : ^^^^

**Pidgeot** : one of matts friends

**Yourhighness** : I’m sorry I have been in a meeting all day

**Yourhighness** : just got out now

**Pidgeot** : where is Matt

**Pidgeot** : he isn’t answering his phone

**Keef** : yeah lance isn’t answering either so is it just me he is ignoring orrr???

**Hunky** : he hasn’t sent me any memes today so

**Pidgeot** : no one is answering and I’m scared

**Pidgeot** : what if they are hurt?

**Yourhighness** : were they together last night?

**Pidgeot** : yeah

**Keef** : yeah

**Pidgeot** : I think they went out after his shift ended

**Pidgeot** : but it’s like 6pm and I haven’t heard from him since yesterday

**Yourhighness** : I’ll talk to lances mother

**Yourhighness** : see if she knows anything

**Yourhighness** : It dosent hurt to at least be certain that they are alright 

**Pidgeot** : yeah

**Hunky** : I’ll try his sister + co

**Darling** : gonna text the other girls and see if they know anything

**Keef** : I’m going to try axca and her squad

  
  


**BroodyBrother → BroodySister**

 

**BroodyBrother:** I need your help

**BroodyBrother** : we haven’t heard from lance or Matt for a while and I need you to ask the others if they have heard anything

**Broodysister** : on It

  
  


**Axxa → lotor and the Sluts**

 

**Axxa:** yo Lance and Matt are lowkey missing

**Axxa** : have yall heard or seen anything

**Martini** : …

**Axxa** : Im sorry but could you stop this is not The time

**Azeuros** : omg What 

**Legolas** : i unfortunately haven't seen or heard anything 

**Azeuros** : i dont know anything but WHAT

**Axxa** : Keith says They havent heard from Them since Yesterday

**Zeus** : Havent heard anything

**Axxa** : keep an Ear out anyway

**Legolas** : ofc

  
  


**Emobitch** **→ dad**

 

**Emobitch** : Shiro i cant get ahold of Matt and Lance i dont know What to do this is not a good time to be gjosting me

**Emobitch** : Shiro

**Emobitch** : omfg Not you too

  
  


**BroodyBrother → BroodySister**

 

**BroodyBrother** : Shiro isn’t answering either

**BroodyBrother** : jfc

**BroodyBrother** : wHY TF is no adult answering their phones anymore

**BroodySister** : omg wtf

**BroodySister** : well so they hadn’t seen anything

**BroodySister** : what in the actual everloving fuck is going on

**BroodyBrother** : you tell me

  
  


**Princess → FavoriteCousin**

 

**Princess:** Lance Where are you??

**5 missed Call from Princess**

  
  


**ShadeyB → Makeup HOES (lurrra, lancey, shadeyB, numanuma, ezzzo, flora, swine and bitchblum)**

 

**ShadeyB** : ALLERT listen up bitches Lance and Matt havent answered Their phones in a good 24 and we have no clue as to Where They could be

**Ezzzo** : havent heard anything!  ://///

**Flora** : ill keep an Eye out but i havent seen anything

**Swine** : ^^^^ ill ask around i figure something out

**Bitchblum** : i Got Nothing

**Swine** : me neither

**Flora** : yeah same

**Flora** : but like don't worry they are gonna turn up

**Numanuma** : okay so something just went up on lances story

**Numanuma** : it’s like a blurry photo from the inside of a car

**Numanuma** : but it’s old or at least from earlier because there is dark out right now and this looks like it was taken Around noon maybe

**Numanuma** : it probably updated his account and the photo went up late

**ShadeyB** : THANKS EVERYONE I WILL TAKE THIS INFO WITH ME AND RETURN WHEN I KNOW MORE

**swine** : ngl I’m worried

**Flora** : ^^^^^^^^^

**Bitchblum** :^^^^

**Flora** : what if they are hurt or were taken???

**Flora** : what if they are in trouble now I’m really scared

**Lurrra** : we will find them I promise!

  
  


**The 7th Circle Of Hell**

 

**Pidgeot set The name to THIS IS A FUCING EMERGENCY**

 

**Pidgeot** : okay what have you guys found out

**Pidgeot** : I tried tracking matts phone but it’s Off and the last known location was at BOB

**Pidgeot** : and I can’t track lances it somehow won’t fucking let me get a ping on his location 

**Hunky** : I got nothing I’m sorry

**Yourhighness** : I tried gently prodding lances mother because I don’t want to worry her but she hasn’t talked to him since yesterday

**Keef** : I got fucking nada and Shiro isn’t answering me either

**Keef** : I’m gonna kill them when I find them

**Darling** : I BRING NEWS

**Darling** sent a photo

**Pidgeot** : OMG I CAN TRACK THAT PHOTO

**Yourhighness** : I don’t like the look of that photo

**Yourhighness** : It looks to rushed

**Keef** : what if they’re not okay

**Yourhighness** : okay I’m gonna go to your house Keith and pick you up and we all go back to my place

**Keef** : okay

**Yourhighness** : non of you should be alone with this

**Pidgeot** : this could take a little longer but I should have something soon

**Hunky** : gonna make some calls guys and see if I can’t like do ANYTHING

**pidgeot** : OKAY I HAVE NEWS

**pidgeot** : I hacked his snap and it seems he sent a few this morning, I can’t tell what was in them but he hasn’t been on it about since 13 pm and his last known location was at (insert location), now lances phone is broken but It gives me somewhat the same results,

**Pidgeot** : hacking the cameras now, but the firewall is being difficult brb

**Hunky** : but that’s so far away

**Darling** : what were they doing there wtf

**Yourhighness** : keith I’m here I’m coming for shay and then hunk next

**Keef** : coming now

**Hunky** : We are at my place

**Youhighness** : okay

  
  


**THIS IS A FUCING EMERGENCY**

 

**Shiro** : So…

**Keef** : SHIRO

**Darling** : omg 

**Hunky** : fuck man you scared us

**Keef** : have you seen the others

**Shiro** : I have them and they are somewhat fine

**Shiro** : now they are anyway

**Hunky** : WHAT

**Shiro** : guys they are alive and somewhat well I just got them and we are heading back

**Shiro** : this Adam? is with us

**Shiro** : they are safe right now and well explain when we have gotten them home

**Shiro** : I’m so sorry you guys had to go through this

**Shiro** : keith I’m so sorry I didn’t answer you

**Shiro** : Katie I’m so sorry to you too

**Shiro** : and to everyone else

**Shiro** : well talk about it later if they feel up to it

**Keef** : it’s fine ig I’m just glad you are okay

**Pidgeot** : OH THANK GOD

**darling** : it’s totally fine I’m just glad everyone is okay

**Hunky** : ^^^

**Yourhighness** : oh thank god

**Yourhighness** : Pidge do you need me to pick you up?

**Pidgeot** : yes please they will be like back in 4 hours

  
  


**THIS IS A FUCING EMERGENCY**

 

**Pidgeot** : IWNABDJEKWMW I WANNA FUCKING FIGHT 

**Pidgeot** : THE TAPES JUST GOT IN

**Pidgeot** : I. GONNA FUCKING KILL SOMEONE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know the drill
> 
> Comment, kodus  
> Tell me what you like tell me what you don’t  
> Something u wanna see? Hit me up.


	14. I a m not sorry k h ia fight t m e

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> THIS IS A FUCING EMERGENCY
> 
>  
> 
> Darling: oh boi
> 
> Yourhighness: I’m sorry what the fuck just happened

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So hello Bois you can stop yelling at me now lmao (please don’t kill me they’re fine) 
> 
> We have some soft shit cause I was feeling the love today so ily benches
> 
> Anyway I’m tired and this is my offer to the void for today
> 
> Enjoy babes!!!

**THIS IS A FUCING EMERGENCY**

 

**Pidgeot** : IM SO FCUVING MAD I WILL ACTUALLY KILL SOMEONE

**Pidgeot** : OOOMMGGGG

**yourhighness** : are you actually standing on the table

**Pidgeot** : come have look everyone so we can plan the fucking murder

  
  


**THIS IS A FUCING EMERGENCY**

 

**Darling** : oh boi

**Yourhighness** : I’m sorry what the fuck just happened

  
  


**Kronk** **→ yzma**

 

**Kronk** : Pidge I know you are really upset and what we just saw was awful but please I don’t think you are making this better

**Yzma** : I know I’m just so fucking mad they didn’t even touch the other guys they just fucking took lance and Matt

**Kronk** : I’m not saying it’s fair but please calm down, we don’t know how they feel about this yet and we shouldn’t,,,, idk but u know what I mean don’t you

**Yzma** : yeah

**Yzma** : I was just so fucking worried

**Yzma** : I still am

**Kronk** : I understand buddy but we have to stay calm

**Kronk** : we have to stay calm, come get som hunk hugs

**Yzma** : yeah I know brb

**Yzma** : without y’all there I would have broken down crying this shit was scary as fuck

**Kronk** : we have each other Pidge it’s gonna be okay!!

**Yzma** : you saint

**Kronk** : where are you buddy

**Yzma** : on top of the fridge

**Kronk** : bcjeksndd why

**Yzma** : it calms me down

  
  


**Shirt → Fuckos**

 

**Shirt:** they seem to be doing better now, a little shaken up but okay so far.

**Axe** : thank god

**Keef** : I’m coming home to get lance

**Shirt** : you don’t have to, I drove him home to his mom

**Keef** : was she mad

**Shirt** : No just worried

**Keef** : I Matt okay

**Shirt** : His parents aren’t home so I’m currently watching over him with Adam

**Keef** : okay

**Shirt** : I would say you could text lance soon just try not to overwhelm him too much

**Keef** : I won’t

**Keef** : give Matt a hug from me

**Shirt** : atta boy

**Shirt** : will do

  
  


**sauce → Gremlin**

 

**Sauce:** I’m really sorry 

**Gremlin** : don’t apologise

**Gremlin** : I saw what happened at the plaza

**Sauce** : no I was meant to take care of you while they were out

**Gremlin** : it’s fine I’m just glad you are home

**Gremlin** : but are you okay

**Sauce** : lmao yeah tbh

**Sauce** : it was kinda a shock but it was also hella funny in some way

**Sauce** : but after a while it kinda set in ya know

**Sauce** : Lance was worst off so

**Sauce** : so like, Ig it’s kinda funny but I’m also really fucking pissed so

**Sauce** : :)

**Gremlin** : I fucking feel you man

**Sauce** : anyway I’m probs gonna stay here or go home

**Sauce** : I also need to text lance

**Gremlin** : allura says everyone should come over

**Sauce** : gonna swing that by Shiro and Adam and see how they feel about it

**Gremlin** : she says she’ll order food

**Sauce** : they’re in

**Gremlin** : so,,, everything aside how do you feel about being with the 2 loves of your life

**Sauce** : STOP THEY ALMOST SAW

**Gremlin** : AAAAAAAAAAAAA AHSGSGHHAGAGZGA

  
  


**Matty matt→ Lancey lance**

 

**Matty Matt** : hey man

**Matty Matt** : how are you holding up

**Lancey lance** : fine

**Lancey lance** : Im pretty sure ive tried worse

**Lancey lance** : it juste brought back some stuff I’m not really keen on remembering

**Lancey lance** : ya know so

**Lancey lance** : but like calling Shiro because he had to bail us out was probably the best thing I’ve ever done hgdgchsns

**Lancey lance** : everyone was so worried too

**Lancey lance** : there is so many messages I feel so bad

**Matty Matt** : hey imma call u up when I get somewhere alone okay

 

**Call ended**

**Call duration: 00.26.58**

 

**Matty Matt** : ily man

**Lancey lance** : ily 2

**Matty Matt:** we are all at alluras if you feel up to it

**Lancey lance** : I’ll think about it bro

**Lancey lance** : enjoy your Boyfs

**Matty Matt** : JGHSKANSS NOT U TOO

**matty Matt** : YEET

**Lancey lance** : YOOT

  
  


**Keefer → lancer**

 

**Keefer** : are you okay

**Lancer** : could be better

**Lancer** : but it’s not too bad

**Lancer** : just uuuhsnnnnn

**Lancer** : the fight just like

**Lancer** : sent me back t that place

**Lancer** : i j

**Lancer** : kinda froze for a second 

**Lancer** : I’m almost proud I didn’t react worse

**Lancer** : it’s gotten so much better

**Keefer** : I’m sorry 

**Keefer** : is there anything you need

**Keefer** : no I’m much better now

**Lancer** : it kinda passed and then spent the night in a holding cell

**Lancer** : so at least it’ll make good story

**Lancer** : I’m just sorry everyone were so worried 

**Keefer** : bby of course I worry

**Keefer** : I love so much and i was so scared

**Lancer** : i

**Lancer** : you love 

**Lancer** : me

**Lancer** : I’m cryign 

**Lancer** : keith please di d you mean that

**Keefer** : of course

 

**Call ended**

**Call duration 00.56.52**

 

**Keefer** : dumbass

**Lancer** : i thought we bonded

**Keefer** : nope

**Keefer** : don’t remember DIDNT happen

**Lancer** : D:

**Keefer** : perish

**Lancer:** D’:

**Keefer** : hbfjesns jk i love you

**Lancer** : wjbcjske never gonna get used to that

**Lancer** : i love u

**Keefer** : love you the most

**Lancer** : KEITHSB DJSSMNS

**Keefer** : u can come over u know?

**Lancer** : narh not right now I think I just need to be with my mom

**Lancer** : and sleep

**Keefer** : yeah I understand sleep well bby

**Lancer** : neenbdjee u too

 

**Lonce → HakuNa matata**

 

**Lonce** : I wanna apologise for going out like that I didn’t mean to scare you, I also like wanna so I love u both so much but I’m so sorry I scared u like that. Hnnn I pm gonna talk to Matt about it and then you guys can like get the full story and all tomorrow I think

**Lonce** : I’m okay I just need a little time with mama

**Honk** : I love you buddy!!! Just glad u are back home and safe

**Podge** : you won’t catch me saying this again never so listen close

**Podge** : u are my fucking brother and i was so scared when u went dark like don’t fucking do thiS EVER AGAIN OR I WILL PERSONALLY KILL YOU

**Lonce** : luv u buddy

**Lonce** : awww podge podge I knew u had a heart somewhere in there

**Podge** : GET FUCKED

**Lonce** : <3333

**Podge** : ..

**Podge** : <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aw yeet thank you so much for all the comment and kudos you guys are blowing me away,,, please keep them coming u are saving me from the void
> 
> Hope you enjoyed!! And thank you for reading ily


	15. Lmao you r what you eat and I haven’t eat ass in a hot minute

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lancey lance: WHO BITHC
> 
> Matty Matt: mwndhrhNBBDNW ADAM
> 
> Lancey lance: HOLDUP WHEN BITCH WHEN
> 
> MAtty Matt: IDK LIKE THE OTHER DAY AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
> 
> Lancey lance: BIYCHENBDDNSNDBITCH

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lmao life has been beating my ass with a fucking tree of a stick so here is sum shit idek what happens in it

**Matty matt→ Lancey lance**

 

**Lancey lance** : hey bro

**Matty matt** : ily bro

**Lancey lance:** how are you

**Matty matt** : not too bad

**Matty matt:** how is the bruise

**Lancey lance:** LmaO my jaw is blue

**Lancey lance** : mama is laughing and planning a few murders at the same time

**Lancey lance** : But she is also really worried so

**Lancey lance:** i dont  like putting her through this 

**Matty matt** : this wasnt your fault u know that

**Lancey lance** : yeah but ya know

**Lancey lance** : i fought a lot as a child

**Lancey lance** : lmaO i was a real demon child

**Lancy lance** : just angry ig

**Matty matt** : but you are better know 

**Matty matt** : dont beat yourself up over this or i will personally come over there and vandalise your room 

**Lancey lance** : what u gonna do

**Lancey lance** : square up string bean

**Matty matt** : DAMNIT I HAVE BEEN FILLING OUT STOP WITH THIS SLANDER I WILL NOT TAKE IT

**Lancey lance:** stringbean

**Matty matt** : i will attack you with affection because i know this is your weakest spot

**Matty Matt** : besides I have been let know that someone quit like my “string bean look”

**Lancey lance** : WHO BITHC

**Matty Matt** : mwndhrhNBBDNW ADAM

**Lancey lance** : HOLDUP WHEN BITCH WHEN

**MAtty Matt** : IDK LIKE THE OTHER DAY AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

**Lancey lance** : BIYCHENBDDNSNDBITCH

**Matty Matt** : bruh I think he was flirting with me

**Lancey lance** : BRUH

**Matty Matt** : but hhhhhhhhh idk what about shoro 

**Lancey lance** : shoro

**Matty Matt:** fuccc uuu

**Lancey lance** : hmmm man idk it’s a difficult situation 

**Matty Matt** : yeah ist something

**Lancey lance** : who would u choose if you could pick

**Matty Matt** : I don’t think I could pick one tbh

**Lancey lance** : thats,,,

**Lancey lance:** I was gonna say that’s kinky but

**Matty Matt** : ;)

**Lancey lance** : hissssss begone thor

**Lancey lance** : thot*

**Matty matt** : lmao thor

**Lancey lance** : i will murder you softly

**Matty matt** : finally

**Lancey lance** : okAY NO

**Lancey lance** : no deaths fucker we will make it

**Matty matt:** bruised and all

**Lancey lance** : anyway lmao i needed to talk to you about telling the others

**Lancey lance** : like would u be okay with that

**Matty matt:** if you are

**Lancey lan** ce: i am

**Lancey lance** : i just wanted to check with u

**Lancey lance** : because u know u were there with me and all

**Matty matt:** lmao im fine im more worried about u mister i beat up 3 people on my own

**Lancey lance** : oKAY HAY 1.iddidnt beat them up

**Lancey lance:** 2\. It was selfdefence

**Lancey lance** : 3. U fucking helped me dude u bad ass

**Matty matt** : lmao thanksi try

**Matty Matt** : where did u learn that anyway

**Lancey lance** : lmaO well I used to fight a lot and my ass would get kicked a lot too

**Lancey lance** : so mama let me do MMA if I stopped fighting

**Lancey lance** : so I did 

**Matty Matt:** wait when did u stop MMA?

**Lancey lance:** like a year ago

**Matty Matt** : but thats a long time u did that?

**Lancey lance** : not really like 3-4 years??

**Lancey lance** : wbu bish u never told me u could fight

**Matty Matt** : Lmao I just have good right hook because of the punching bags at the gym

**Matty Matt** : the rest is literally just luck bchfkemdne

**Lancey lance** : dvfhensns

**Lancey lance:** BET anyway u wanna tell them now or

**Matty matt** : yEET lets fucking GO

  
  


**THIS IS A FUCING EMERGENCY**

 

**Doormatt:** so im sitting there, babaque sauce on my tiddies

**Sharpshooter** : *wheeze*

**Sharpshooter** : lmaO hello to all the thots of the kingdom

**Hunky** : i am no thot excuse you

**Pidgeot** : IF SHE BREATHE

**Darling** : SHE A THOT

**Yourhigness** : i feel exposed

**Sharpshooter** : smh allura could never

**Doormatt** : okay children we are doing storytime

**Doormatt** : where is everyone at and are you sitting down

**Pidgeot** : alluras. And sitting

**Pidgeot** : she is feeding me

**Hunky** : me and shae are at my place

**Hunky** : we left alluras like an hour ago

**Yourhighness** : i am at my castle

**Sharpshooter** : we get it u rich

**Yourhigness** : like you don't get joy in that u heathen you are my cousin

**Sharpshooter** : yeah i do like the presents

**Yourhigness** : >:o

**Sharpshooter** : IM KIDING UHIDWNK

**Sharpshooter** : i love u

**Pidgeot** : im gonna interupt this shit show right there

**Pidgeot** : @shiro @doormatt should we add adam

**Shiro** : i dont see why not

**Shiro** : he is moving here and is probably become a part of the group anyway

**Doormatt** : hell to the yeah

 

**Sharpshooter named the chat And Lucifer Was Yeeted Off The Sky**

 

**Pidgeot added adam**

 

**Hunky** : wHY

**Sharpshooter** : we live in the timeline that god abandoned 

**Keef** : well I mean you're not wrong

**Adam** : you are doing great sweetie

**Darling** : Lmao i drank water last hour and i called it crisp on accident 

**Adam** : cold water is crisp and that is the tea pass it on

**Yourhighness** : did someone say Tea?

**Keef** : Satan Is Gay And That Is The Tea

**Sharpshooter** : ugdknxswef i fucking love you

**Keef** : kuewnfcdil

**sharpshooter** : kwjbhdejJDVJGGV

**Keef** : KJKWEWC

**Hunky** : *whispers* what are they saying

**Darling** : its the gay mind reading thing

**Adam** : lmao 

**Shiro** : it is done

  
  


**And Lucifer Was Yeeted Off The Sky**

 

**Doormatt** : smh i completely forgot we were supposed to do somth

**Sharpshooter** : smh

**Doormatt** : smhh

**Sharpshooter** : smhH

**Doormatt** : NO

**Sharpshooter** : /How do you know whats good for me/

**Doormatt** : THAST MY OPINION

**Pidgeot** : shooketh

**Keef** : shookeith

**Darling** : i will get the origin story of klance one day or i will screm

**Sharpshooter** : crem

**Pidgeot** : chair, stolen

**Pidgeot** : creme, creme’d

**Pidgeot** : satan, at chilis

**Pidgeot** : hotel, trivago

**darling** : jncondxx

**Hunky** : nciewnjc where is that from??

**Pidgeot** : discord

**Doormatt** : ahem 

**Adam** : can i please get a waffle

**Shiro** : smh i knew you were to good to be true

**Pidgeot** : he has literally been friends with matt and i for years he is ruined

**Adam** : mildly damaged but OK

**Adam** : but matt you can never say i don't do anything for you anymore

**Adam** : i literally drove 3 hours to pick you up at police station

**DoorMatt** : smh about that

**Adam** : it's fine

**Shiro** : excuse me what about me

**darling** : you are excused

**Shiro** : >:0

**Sharpshooter** : lmao

**Doormatt** : besides it was lance that called you so go yell at him

**Sharpshooter** : please dont yell at me im fragile

**Keef** : *slowly goes for the knife*   
**Shiro** : hold on cowboy 

**Keef** : *freezes*

**Shiro** : im just glad you called me

**Keef** : *slowly retracts hand*

**Sharpshooter** : LMAO calling shiro to bail us out of jail at 4 in the morning was probably the funniest thing ive ever done

**Hunky** : :0

**Sharpshooter** : save for The Mcdonalds Incident. 

**Pidgeot** : oHH omg sjxnknerf

**Hunky** : :))

**Keef** : wha-

**Hunky** : We Dont Talk About That.

**Pidgeot** : Never. 

**Sharpshooter** : Ever.

  
  


**And Lucifer Was Yeeted Off The Sky**

 

**Doormat** : so

**Sharpshooter** : well

**Sharpshooter** : next chapter then

**Doormatt** : well the n

**Hunky** : wh

**Darling** : at

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kodus, comment, u know the drill bois


End file.
